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7 Reasons ISU Students Won’t Have Summer Bikini Bods

The semester is almost through, and although it’s just about time to break out those bathing suits and stretch out on the beach, ISU students shouldn’t count on showing off their bikini bods just yet. Here are the top seven setbacks Redbirds will face to getting those bikini ready bods out of hibernation.

7.) The Rec Now Offers 500 Calorie Coffee Drinks:

Yes, we do love our coffee, but we can also agree that replacing the Jamba Juice in the rec with a Starbucks was probably the dumbest move in the history of ISU. Finishing an intense workout just to be tortured with the smell of delicious calorie-packed caffeine is a recipe for disaster, or at least the freshman 15.

6.) You Can Catch a Bus Easier Than the Flu:

At ISU it’s understandable for anyone who doesn’t live in Watterson to catch a bus to campus. If you’re anywhere past Tri Towers without a ride to class, then you’d probably consider yourself stranded. Thankfully, the bus system completely removes the need to walk anywhere at anytime.

5.) You’re Surrounded by Food:

There’s no shortage of restaurants near ISU’s campus. There’s a Steak ‘n Shake on every end of Bloomington-Normal and a McDonald’s around every corner. New restaurants are constantly being built (Chick Fil A, Red Robin, Buffalo Wild Wings) and now talk of Portillo’s, threatens to ruin bikini bodies forever.

4.) ISU Offers More Free Food Than Scholarships:

Free food is never an issue until you can no longer wear that two piece swim suit. Of course, no student turns down free things, so it’s only right to attend every UPB event offering food, stop at every table on the quad, and redeem all those coupon books you got. Sure you might regret it later when you’re standing on a scale, but it’s free!

3.) You Take the Elevators to Any Floor Above Two:

Class is dreadful enough without adding the multiple flights of stairs on top of it. Redbirds hate being forced to tread up countless stairs to simply get to their rooms. So, the elevator is always the first option. Even when you live in Smith or Jefferson, those two flights can really wear you out.

2.) You Can’t Run on the Running Trail:

Walking or running Constitution Trail seems like a good way to get in shape for the summer, that is, until some creep tries to snatch you. You’d think once Halloween was over and the clowns returned to their carnival cages, the trail would be safe again. But judging by the amount of muggings that still happen, this is not the case.

1.) Binge Drinking for Every Occasion:

It’s impossible to lose weight when constantly tempted by beer pong and shots before stuffing your face with hangover food. Redbirds find drinking completely acceptable for any occasion. Soon enough students will run on the treadmill with vodka filled water bottles.

The universe (or maybe just the university) is against you losing weight, so stop fighting it. Just accept that it’s time to return your bikini and embrace your new role as a beached whale.

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