7 Ways to Completely Piss Off Any Illinois State Student

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We’re a weird bunch here at ISU. We’ve got Chicago kids, faux Chicago kids (suburbanites), and even some country folk. It’s a nice mix, and it’s kinda cool that we’re all so different. But one thing we all have in common are our little ISU pet peeves. Shit that’ll make you mad for no other reason than, well, it just will. Here are a few examples:

7.) Walking On the Grass On the Quad:

Holy shit people, stay on the goddamn sidewalks. They’re there for a reason. We don’t care if you’re late to your class, you follow the rules or be persecuted by a judgmental group of peers. Seriously, every time someone does this, it makes us want to throw much more than just an evil glance. Don’t be that guy.

6.) Even Mentioning UIUC:

Nope. Don’t do it. Never say, “Monday Night Joe’s was so fun.” That’s blasphemy people. UIUC thinks we’re literal walking trash, so never, ever give them the satisfaction. It’s not even that fun. Actually, now that we’re thinking about it, UIUC sucks. And that is the only time it’s acceptable to mention their name.

5.) Saying ‘Boner’ Student Center:

Guys, it’s not funny. Never has been. Sure, we’re all still a bunch of immature half-adults, but some jokes just never land. This is an example. Don’t try it. And hopefully if you do, somebody smacks you on the spot and tells you that you’re an unoriginal prick.

4.) Telling People You’re From Chicago, When You Are Most Definitely Not:

This will actually just make the Chicago kids mad, but considering that makes up for a shitload of our student population, we’ll count it. We don’t know how many times we’ve heard,

“Oh, where are you from?”

“Chicago.”

“Cool, what part?’

“Naperville.”

FUCK YOU NAPERVILLE IS NOT CHICAGO AHHHHHHHHH. Okay we’re good.

3.) Having to Trudge Through the Watterson Wind Tunnel:

It’s really nobody’s fault. Well, other than the asshole who built Watterson Towers, but we don’t feel like looking it up so, refer to the first sentence. But this is literally one of the worst things our campus has to offer. That, and pretty much everything else.

2.) Having Long Bar Lines on *cough cough* Wednesdays:

There are some certain establishments that have a pretty good reputation for having fun Wednesday nights. And it’s easy to see why: it’s pretty fun. But, fuck, those lines are killer. Stretched out past the parking lot. It takes like 45 minutes to get in. Not the bar’s fault for being popular, doesn’t make us like it any better though.

1.) Being a Cubs Fan:

The Cubs are pretty popular in our little utopia nowadays. Maybe people have always liked them, maybe not, we’ll never know. But saying you’re a Cubs fan is bound to make someone mad. Either they’re a Sox fan and hate the Cubs, or they’re a Cubs fan and say that you’re a bandwagon fan. It’s a ridiculous no-win situation. That being said, don’t be a bandwagon fan.

Are we wrong? Do these things not make you upset? Cool. So maybe the writers at The Black Sheep are what piss you off. Definitely should let us know. 

WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.