Legend has it, many moons (one year) ago a front desk manager at Watterson chronicled his experiences working a closing shift from 9-midnight on Halloween. The result was sloppy and, at some times, sad. The front desk manager was never heard from again.
8:50 p.m. : Clocked in ten minutes late because I had to wait for some gentleman in an Anchorman costume to let me in. Is there anything spookier than bad manners?
9:15 p.m. : A gaggle of girls teeter down the stairs to take pictures, because nothing says “I had fun on Halloween!” like an Instagram of you and your roommate drunk off of wine coolers in the Watterson lobby. The girls spent approximately 20 minutes being louder than the dining center at lunchtime before realizing no party had started yet.
9:30 p.m. : Some guy sloppily attempts to check in his out-of-town girlfriend, who’s exclusively wearing a bra and some unspecified animal ears. I will bet anyone $6 that they’ll end up bangin’ in the gross bathroom in the basement before they make it upstairs.
9:45 p.m. : Ah, the first puke of thee night. Who woulda thought some freshman dressed as John Belushi from Animal House would overdo it?
9:50 p.m. : A strange, rare moment of peace. A true Halloween miracle.
10:15 p.m. : The gaggle of girls return. Only one of them is wearing a jacket. Not all of them will make it back tomorrow morning. Probably.
10:25 p.m. : Someone tries to check in their underage sibling. ISU PD is called, as per the rules, the siblings yell until PD walks in the door and then leave without incident.
10:50 p.m. : Some poor sap comes to pick up a package. Come on dude, go out and have fun, please, so I can stop feeling bad for you.
11:00 p.m. : There are no less than three noise complaints from poor, lonely dummies who didn’t go out.
11:12 p.m. : There are no less than three snarky comments from poor, lonely RAs who aren’t allowed to go out. Oh, the colors of puke they’ll see.
11:13 p.m. : Night Ops (who somehow are more militant than ROTC without any of the responsibility) show up to their shift almost a full hour early.
11:23 p.m. : I attempt to look busy for a full 20 minutes in an attempt to not incite their rage.
11:40 p.m. : Somebody wants to pick up another goddamned package. Like really, right now?
11:50 p.m. : Two vampires somehow make it into the building (24/7 limited access my ass, right?) and proceed to kidnap and suck the blood of some guy in line at Subway. Night Ops proceed to do nothing because “it’s not our shift yet.”
12:00 a.m. : As the clock strikes midnight, my Halloween shift draws to a close at Watterson and I experience true freedom for the first time in my life. I pity the fools who have to tally up all the Walk of Shames tomorrow morning…but at the same time, I kind of envy them.