Illinois State University is a sexy place, with some sexy people (sorta) so we decided to create some sex positions in tribute of good Ol’ ISU. Emphasis on the sex appeal ISU has. You’re welcome in advance:
9.) The Tri Towers:
Get three of your closest guy friends and have a night out jerking off. For added emphasis, burn some popcorn, pull the fire alarm then eat some bomb ass stir fry. Just cause ya can.
8.) The Larry Dietz:
Write “The State Budget” on one of your backs and have the other whip that tight budget ass for months on end. Make sure to cuddle at the end, because although the Larry Dietz is rough he still has a soft spot. Just like you and your boo do.
7.) The Popcorn Chicken Line:
You wait 45 minutes for your side chick to come over. When she finally does come over it’s wonderful. She’s even better with a side of mash potatoes and gravy. Interpret that however you’d like 😉
6.) The Bone Student Center:
It’s just missionary, this one was too easy. Simple but effective as we at The Black Sheep like to say.
5.) The Merry Ann’s:
24 hours of C+ doin’ it. MUCH better when hammered. Only good because you’re mentally only half there.
4) The Pub Wednesday:
There are just a lot of people in a room. You’re very sweaty, you all lose $35, and you’re all unsatisfied. Bonus points if you actually do this position after a night at The Pub.
3.) The Flex Dollars:
It’s all great, until you blow your load with six weeks left in the semester. #FuckMe
2.) The Reggie Net:
It’s just one guy apologizing a lot during intercourse. The whole damn time.
1.) The ISU Campus Police:
You get fucked in the ass, and then you get a $25 Jay-walking ticket. Now that’s the pure definition of getting completely screwed over.
So, feel free to use these positions at any time throughout the semester. Make sure that you always use protection when having intercourse, unless you’re doing the ISU Campus Police. Then you have to do it like they do and bump that shit raw. BOOM. ROASTED.
*The Black Sheep thanks Chris Stevenson, Max Babcock and Sarah Ford for getting weird while my roommates were home.
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