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ISU Spring Break “Early as Shit” Yet Again


Illinois State University students are excited, yet skeptical, of the upcoming spring break. The break begins, according to one student, “way too fucking early.” It’s true. Confirmed by various calendars and the majority of Redbirds, ISU’s spring break seems to be coming up way too soon. The Black Sheep has the full story.


“Well, I dunno. I can’t complain, but it’s still gonna be fucking cold out for ‘spring’ break,” said ISU sophomore Taylor Meramac. “I mean people are going to beaches, but here, it’s gonna be like 12 fucking degrees.” Other students share Meramac’s concerns.

“Other schools don’t go through this shit,” said ISU super-senior Jared Hudley. “I’ve been here seven years, and every goddamn year, I freeze my tits off.” Hudley also remarked that while he complains about his school, it’s still “better than pussy-ass UIUC.”

President Larry Dietz had previously stated that he plays no part in making spring break as early as it is. Dietz declined to comment this time around, and instead, ran away chuckling and skipping. His vice president, whose name escapes the writers of The Black Sheep, said, “We don’t really like you little shits, so we try to fuck your fun times up. Definitely on purpose.”

Even some professors have stepped forward to complain. Although all chose to remain anonymous, the consensus among the group was “this fucking blows.” For once, the students and faculty agree.


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