When Is It OK to Bang an ISU RA?
There are some things at ISU you just don’t do. Like pronounce Schroeder the ways its actually written or tell your friends how much you really don’t mind ReggieNet. But there are also some things we ISU students are still trying to figure out, like is it okay to bang your RA? We’ve gathered a few of our top experts here at The Black Sheep to debate this hot topic. So, when is it ok to get frisky with these Redbird housing staff members?
Jena: Well, I guess the first thing to consider is if it’s your RA. Like if it’s some rando RA you meet at a party, it won’t ever really affect you. Unless they give you herpes. Or a baby. But, if it’s some rando, there could be some benefits.
Tina: If it’s a rando who lives at Tri, it’s a yes from me. Chances are, they’re a hunk. And even if by chance they’re not an athlete, they’d still know a shit ton of athletes. So, you could bang your way to the top, from scrawny RA to all the hot baseball players who you’ve never actually watched play.
Jena: But if it’s your RA, that’s a game changer. Like if you live at Watty, do not do it. If things go sour, or your RA gets clingy it’d be way too easy for them to corner you and have “the talk” while you’re scrambling to get the right key to get to the safety of your room. Also, they could totally hide behind a corner and ambush you. Yeah, a Watterson RA would probably be just as fucked up as a Watterson floor plan.
Tina: We should probably take their major into consideration, too. Like a K&R major is probably not the brightest, but who wouldn’t wanna climb them like a rock wall?
Jena: If they’re an education major, I’d say pass. You’re gonna bang so many ed majors during your four years at ISU, you can be a bit more selective then the first person to welcome you to campus. Plus, next time you run into another education major, you’ll be so tempted to ask, “Hey, you’re in education. Do you know my RA that I banged?”
Tina: Yeah, you should definitely look for someone with more originality, like an actuarial science major. No one really knows who they are or what they do, but that makes them even more intriguing. I feel like someone in IT is also worth checking out. They’ll fix your computer for free, and their poor social skills will keep them from being clingy.
Jena: If I could go back, I’d bang my RA just for the free shit. Unlimited meal swipes, printing, lamination, condoms.
Tina: So bang them if you’re poor?
Jena: Yeah, poor or cheap.
Tina: Actually, I disagree. Who would willingly live in the dorms for four years? Either a pedo or a poor. They’re probably just as cheap as you, doing it for free room and board. If you’re poor, I’d go for an entitled townie over an RA. Gotta follow the money.
So, the jury’s still out on the whole banging your RA dilemma. But one thing all of us here at The Black Sheep can agree on, is if they’re one of those assholes from Naperville who introduces themselves as “John from Chicago” do not drop your pants. You. Can. Do. Better.
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