Students Audibly Groan as They Walk to Milner Just for WiFi

author-pic at Illinois State University  


If the porn you were trying to watch on your roommate’s computer this morning wouldn’t download, don’t worry, you didn’t give them a computer virus. Students with apartment buildings owned by Sami, Young America, and other popular realtors have all been reporting instances of ISU wfi failure for the past 24 hours.

Many students reportedly have called their respective realtors, but so far to no results. It is unclear how long the suffering will continue.

“I was half way into my usual nightly routine of crying and then taking a two hour nap, when I noticed the wifi wasn’t working,” says Junior Jesenia Kolimas. “Then I realized if I wanted to turn in my assignments I would need to actually go to Milner. I have never felt so personally inconvenienced in my life. Ugh.”

Students at Illinois State are not unfamiliar with experiencing technical problems, particularly feeling anguish when the school’s ReggieNet server fails, for the 100th or so time, and hundreds of students lose the will to live.

“This shit happens all the time, but I’ve never had to walk all the way to the library before,” said junior Amy Klein. 

If you find yourself having to make the journey from your apartment to Milner tonight: stay vigilant, and remember that you are not alone. There are many other students on the verge of existential breakdowns suffering along side you.

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