Levester Johnson is only one finals week away from wrapping up his first semester as Illinois State University’s VP for Student Affairs. We here at The Black Sheep want to finalize the initiation process by naming that grand phallus of his. Here are the top ten names that we came up with for Levester Johnson’s… um, Johnson.
10.) Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson:
The odds that you’ll orgasm on this Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson are more predictable than the ending to Central Intelligence.
9.) Ding Dong:
Hello? It’s your delivery guy, Levester Johnson, with a large sausage pizza. Oh wait! It’s not a pizza at all! It’s just his YUGE penis. Pranked!
8.) Medea the Massive Schlong:
Unlike the movies, this Medea isn’t going to have a class reunion or get a job. This Medea has one mission, and one mission only: to tenderly graze your lower lumbar as you try to cuddle before the first sex you’ve had in a month.
7.) Bob the Boner:
Can we fuck it? Yes we can! Bob the Boner is going to take you somewhere you didn’t even know you could go! Well, probably just to his queen bed somewhere in Bloomington for eighteen minutes of C+ missionary.
Sometimes you have to keep it simple, baby.
5.) Lil’ Vester:
The name is a misnomer because Lil’ Vester ain’t so little. He’s spicy like a BK Rodeo Burger from the Bone with barbeque sauce, an onion ring, and a dash of a student worker’s fingernail disguised as meat.
4.) The Vice Presidential Pounder:
Hey cowboy, are you ready to pound that budget till the state of Illinois can’t take it anymore? Ready or not, here we cum.
3.) The Snake on the Plane:
This flight is going from ISU to pleasure island with a layover in the land down under. You better watch out though, there are some unexpected guests on this plane! It’s called intense sexual satisfaction and six minutes of audible sighing when it didn’t do exactly what you wanted it to.
Penis? HAHAHAHA classic comedy! Get it? We didn’t think that you would. It’s really highbrow joke that’s way funnier than a regular person can understand. Let us break it down for you. Essentially, calling his penis “Penis” is funny because most of the jokes in this article are based on obscure pop culture references paired with something sexual innuendos.
OMG he did the thing again! He did the thing again! They have really really really funny writers at The Black Sheep at ISU.
Levester Johnson has done a great job this semester; you can tell that he has a THROBBING passion for our ISU students, and the nuts to make some big changes. Welcome to Redbird country. We speak on the behalf of all Redbirds when we say we can’t wait till you cum back for a second semester, Levester.