Out of the dozens of classes that students take during their collegiate careers, it’s guaranteed that not all the information learnt will be retained. No one will memorize the phases of the moon from the Intro to Astronomy class they took freshman year, nor all the Greek gods from Mythology 100. There are far more practical issues to cover during college than the Periodic Table, and if some of these classes were taught, it’s safe to assume that knowledge would last a lifetime.
How To Be Lazy and Still Get an A 101: Every college student knows how important relaxation time and Netflix binge sessions are, so this class would be crucial to teach students the proper balance between doing their homework and watching House of Cards. For the more advanced slacker, How To Do Nothing for the Group Project Without Your Group Members Hating You 201 should be offered, so that students can learn the proper ways of shirking their duties while making it look like they’re doing something of value.
How to Handle Yourself When You’re Drunk 101: Those cute little freshmen would learn the correct way to conduct themselves while intoxicated, without the menacing stares and comments made by all the upperclassmen who are annoyed as shit at the bar – yes, we saw you take two whole shots, congrats! This class could also hold a lab section, where students learn how to properly clean up puke, and what the perfect alcohol-to-drunk food ratio is (hint: 1 Fat Sandwich = 1 night out).
How to Get Your One Night Stand to GTFO 101: If the aforementioned class allows freshmen to learn how to behave themselves properly while they’re drunk, they may be lucky enough to meet someone to go home with that night; however, what they won’t know is how to get that person to leave the next day, which is where this course comes into play. If students learned the proper way to word excuses such as “I have a lot to do today,” or just simply “GET OUT,” they would save themselves from extremely awkward situations. Extra credit goes to anyone who can do it without being a total dick.
Dealing With Your Freshman 15 102: Another issue that many students come across during their first year is the inevitable Freshman 15. No one thinks it will happen to them, but when it does, everyone wishes they changed something about their diet and exercise routine (or lack thereof) – perhaps not eating along with every hour of television on the Food Network. Students would greatly benefit from a health class that taught them how to eat and drink what they want, without doing any exercise or eating healthy foods. All they would need to learn is that drinking beer is enough to sustain life. It fills you up, it has calories and carbohydrates for energy, and as long as freshmen learn that crucial information, they should stay slim following the strict all-beer diet.
With knowledge from classes like these, any college student can succeed not only at school, but at life in general. It’s important to remember that not everything in life can be taught in a classroom, but if it can be, then you might as well get college credit for it.