It’s the final stretch of the fall semester of 2017 at UIUC, and finals season is upon us. This is your last chance to say, “Hey, you know what? I DON’T want to drop out of school!” You may be thinking, “How do I even begin to study material that I didn’t care about until just now?” The first step, of course, is to make your way to the UGL. The only problem is that everyone else had this idea too. Here are 5 ways to ensure you’ll be able to have a seat in the UGL this finals season:
5.) Use Brute Force:
When it comes down to it, being a student at the University of Illinois is a competition. And your competitors are everyone else at the UGL, especially the scattered engineers that belong in Grainger. Get to the core of the problem by telling a student you will fight them for their seat. It doesn’t matter the size difference, gender, or major of the other student. Whoever wants the seat more will earn it. You may be suspended from the university, but the upside is that your grades won’t suffer any more than they already were.
4.) Smell Awful:
Foul smells are some of studying’s biggest distractions. The funny thing about the human body is that you can’t really smell your own weird funk. Lay off of the showers for a while. The UGL inhabitants will clear a path for you naturally, much like the animals did for Pumba on his way to the watering hole in The Lion King.
3.) Wreak Havoc:
Yell things like “FIRE,” “THIS ILLINI FOOTBALL PLAYER DOESN’T SUCK,” or maybe even “THIS GIRL ISN’T WEARING LULULEMON LEGGINGS!” Basically, yell something shocking that will cause everyone in the UGL to get up and check it out. While they’re distracted, take some seats. Relax, and get some studying done.
2.) Claim It’s Haunted:
Start by casually saying to no one in particular in all of your lectures, “I swear the UGL is haunted. And I’m not the only one who thinks so.” Soon enough, this rumor will circulate the university. Leave ominous notes throughout the UGL that say things like “Get out!” While making your rounds, casually say “oooOOOHHHooohhh” like you’re a ghost on the hunt for some revenge. Eventually, someone is going to get spooked and commit to some other library. This means you’ll have the “haunted” UGL all to yourself and an “A” on your final. Perfect.
1.) Take Matters Into Your Own Hands:
The problem with finals week is that there are too many students and not enough desks. Perfect solution? Bring your own desk (BYOD)! UGL’s ambiance is all you need to focus, if focusing means talking to all your sorority sisters and getting zero work done. Simply bring your desk and place it anywhere you feel would work. Let’s be honest: people will be too concerned with their own studies to care.
When it comes down to it, doing well on your finals is all about putting in the effort, and nothing says feigned, last-minute effort like studying in the UGL. Use one of these methods, and you’re guaranteed to get a seat at the UGL, but not guaranteed to pass all of your finals. Good luck!