Tide Pods are the forbidden fruit at UIUC. So delicious-looking. So, so poisonous. This enigma leads to the consumption of this beautiful snack to be looked down upon. The scandalous nature of the pod adds to the attraction and mystery of this delectable-looking meal. Here are six ways to enjoy your beautiful Tide Pod in class while avoiding the judgmental eyes of your peers.
6.) The Secret Sip:
For this method, you’ll need a water bottle to camouflage your risqué snack as a healthy habit. While your peers will assume you’re staying hydrated in class, you’ll actually be partaking in a much riskier and much more worthwhile activity.
5.) The Sneeze and Snack:
It’s still cold and flu season, so hearing a sneeze in class won’t raise the suspicion of any of your gross classmates. What they won’t know is that under your tissue will be a delectable Tide Pod for you to enjoy. Part of the fun of eating it will be the secretive nature of consuming it.
4.) The Yawn and Nom-Nom:
When class is so boring that you’d rather risk possible death from eating a Tide Pod than listen to your professor, this is the perfect step. Yawn like you would normally and then simply pop a Tide Pod in your mouth. This method works perfectly as everyone else in your class will also be yawning, too bored to notice or care about what you’re doing.
3.) The Read and Treat:
With the disguise of a studious student enjoying a fun read, nobody will believe that you’re actually an idiot student tasting a Tide Pod. You’ll get the joy of eating a Tide Pod while at the same time coming off as an intelligent person, what with your disguise and all.
As we’re in the midst of winter, we’re also in the midst of layers and layers of clothing. Use this to your advantage by sneaking a Tide Pod into your gloves, hats, sweaters, or scarves. Your peers will assume you’re cozying up in class because you’re cold. Really, you’re just cozying up to sneak a colorful treat into your mouth. Perhaps the Tide Pod will warm you up and you won’t need any winter gear after you partake in it.
1.) The Tie Your Shoe and Eat “Food”:
During a lecture, students and professors gaze forward. Eyes are rarely looking towards the floor near your shoes. That’s why a helpful method for secretly sneaking a bite of a Tide Pod could be pretending to tie your shoe. You don’t even need to have shoes with laces! People won’t notice. Simply get down to that level and do whatever it is you need to do to eat your Tide Pod discreetly.
If something is so poisonous, why does it look so delectable? Cut negativity out of your life by doing what you feel is right and by avoiding those who tell you not to. Enjoy these helpful tips and most importantly, enjoy your Tide Pods. Just do so discreetly.
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: