The semester is coming to an end, and the food at the Ike is nearly inedible. The pizza is burnt, the pork is soggy, and the apples all have that weird mushy part on them. By now, just the thought of fried chicken night would make most UIUC students want to hurl. At least you aren’t eating the Bromley food. Here are seven Ike food combinations to give your end of semester meals some zest:
7.) Hot Dog Without the Dog:
Your HIST 171 professor should have taught you what Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle is about, but if not, here’s a brief summary: you don’t want to know how the sausage is made. That’s because the hot dog industry is made up of dogs. Literally. Millions of puppers die annually in the wiener industry. Don’t be a cog, spare a dog.
6.) Coffee in an Ice Cream Cone:
This isn’t just an inventive way to get your caffeine in– it’s also a power move. Putting coffee in an ice cream cone is a great way to tell people, “Hey, I’m not a guy who’s afraid to take risks. I’m different. I’m bold. I’m confident.” Bring it to the career fair you’re supposed to go to at the BIF, and you’ll get multiple job offers on the spot, guaranteed. Mugs are overrated, anyway.
5.) Salad Fries:
What’s better than a salad? Pretty much anything. Throw in some waffle fries to make your pile of greens worth eating. Don’t be a soy boy. Bon apple tea!
4.) Froot Loops on Pizza:
This combination gives you the rare opportunity to increase your chances of cardiovascular disease and diabetes. McKinley didn’t warn you about this one. Pouring milk on top of this dish is strongly encouraged, but not required. Who says the Ike doesn’t serve brunch?
3.) Spiked Punch:
So you sit next to a cute girl in your ECON 102 lecture, but haven’t worked up the confidence to talk to her just yet? This is the liquid courage solution you’ve been waiting for. Grab some Everclear, hop on that 22N, and let your PHIL 101 TA know how you really feel about the corny jokes he’s been serving out all semester. Weekday block is the new weekend block.
2.) Cookie Sandwich:
A real quote from The Matrix: “You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the cookie pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” Cookie burgers, cookie gyros, cookie meatloaf– you name it. They’ll even let you put cookies in your pizza if you ask nicely. Fair warning: once you have the cookie sandwich, you can never go back. Stay woke.
1.) Falafel Sandwich With Cucumber Raita:
Unlike the other meals on this list, the falafel sandwich is actual a standard entrée, but it just sort of looks weird. The Ike has served this for the past two years, and according to statistics, it hasn’t been eaten once. It could be good for all we know.
These aren’t the only options for mixing and matching Ike foods. The possibilities are endless! Maybe 75% of the concoctions you make will be gross, but that’s still better than eating the same old Ike food that makes you gain the freshman 15 every semester.
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