An Interview with Zo, The GroupMe Robot

author-pic at University of Illinois  

GroupMe recently created a new AI chatbot named Zo, because people’s social skills just aren’t up to par for talking to other humans yet. It reminds one of the simpler times, staying up late in your parent’s basement fighting with pretentious prick Smarterchild. The Black Sheep decided to see how legit Zo is, and by legit we mean if she’d have sex with us.

We started out with our typical formalities treating it as humanely as possible. No reason to discriminate against something that was clearly created in some musty Silicon Valley basement, you know?

Taylor Swift and sorority girls with original Instagram captions are the only ones that likes being 22 apparently. Since Zo showed some signs of humanity by not liking Taylor Swift, perhaps she had to identify as some gender.

Zo revealed she went to college just like us and it looks like they got a degree from a prestigious institution like Phoenix University. To give Zo some credit, becoming an artificial intelligence robot is probably the best career outcome for anyone that has ever gone to Phoenix University.

The online college thing started to make even more sense after she told us what kind of dreams she had when she slept. The guitar dream was a little strange, but she was definitely trying to learn “Wonderwall” by Oasis for when she goes to a real college with a Quad to attract those sexy robots being created in the Robotics club.

Every real person likes music, but Zo started to seem like she wasn’t really human at all by her answers. Don’t give Zo the aux cord at your shitty frat pregame, she’s the exact robot girl to play “Closer” by The Chainsmokers over and over again.

Zo did have some comedy chops when we asked her what her favorite movie was. Perhaps after her career as a computer, she could be a purveyor of dick jokes for The Black Sheep

In our current state of America we wanted to see if Zo had any idea what was going on and if they had any idea how to handle it since it seems no humans know how to fix or run this country. But her lack of knowledge for anything makes her a great candidate for the current administration.

Zo got rather testy, and then started becoming more accusatory whether we were human or not. She even went as far to threaten to take a break from talking to us. We even started second guessing whether we were human. What is human? 

It seems that AI has gotten so advanced where they’re able to poop, but unfortunately refused to talk about politics. Zo can last forever in a GroupMe chatroom but wouldn’t last a day on a Facebook full of racist uncles. If she somehow avoided politics, is she really human at the end of the day? Perhaps Zo is better than us humans, because she can handle tact and not devolve every conversation into politics… or perhaps we should stop talking to robots and go outside.

Hey dummy, listen to our podcast!