Booze Review: Boxer Lager

author-pic at University of Illinois  

Move over Natty Light, there’s another cheap shitty beer college kids love to hate. Boxer Lager comes in at a whopping 5.00% alcohol content, with a taste like it’s something found at the very bottom of the food chain. If you think you need to wean yourself off Natty, here’s a chance to inform yourself on an alternative.

 

Grade: D+

 

Smells Like:

Blue Moon that’s been sitting out for 36 hours.

 

Typical Drinkers:

– 16-year-olds who steal from their older brothers’ alcohol stash.

– Recently unemployed truck drivers.

– Everyone from the state of Alabama, probably.

– The kitchen staff at a hole-in-the-wall diner.

– Your backwoods grandma that just went to jail for making moonshine in an old washing machine in the middle of the forest.

 

User Comments:

– “This’ll get us nice ‘n f***ed up for the NASCAR race!”

– “Hurry up and chug these, our trailer park’s power is out so we can’t keep them cold.”

– “Yeah, I guess I’ll just take my cousin to prom. The one with more teeth and the lazy eye.”

– “Let’s watch another episode of Trailer Park Boys and play lawn darts!”

Best Described As a Drink Superior To:

Watered-down gasoline mixed with sadness and regret.

Best Occasions to Drink It At:

-Any event held in or around a barn.

-If it’s in a 40oz, definitely an Irish funeral.

-A Family Guy season premier.

– Your cousin Johnny’s wedding to your sister.

Would Charlie Sheen Drink It?

 

Charlie Sheen would rail an 8 ball of cocaine, party with strippers all night, fight a bear, and still would turn down a single sip of Boxer Lager.

 

WATCH: We hit the streets of Chicago’s St. Patty’s Day Parade to see how woke people were.