Booze Review: Cook’s Brut Champagne
Are you looking to celebrate even though your greatest accomplishment this year has been going to half of your 8 a.m.s? Then Cook’s Brut Champagne is for you, because your sorry ass certainly doesn’t deserve Dom Perignon. Let’s get it poppin’!
Overwhelming success topped with a light, airy aroma.
Utter failure mixed with horrific disappointment and overall bad feelings.
– “Rappers” from your high school who promote their music on SoundCloud.
– College graduates overencumbered with crippling student debt.
– Every underage teenager celebrating New Year’s Eve in their parents’ basement.
– People who aren’t afraid of losing an eye to a cork.
– Men trying to impress girls way out of their league.
– “Fire in the hole!”
– “WOOOO I won the World Series! I’m going to Disneyland!”
– “Does Frenching this bottle count as a New Year’s kiss? Shut up, I’m not crying…it’s just allergies.”
– “Call me Champagne Papi.”
– “If I sneezed and this came out of my nose, would it feel good or..?”
Best Described as a Drink Superior To:
Andre’s California Champagne. That extra dollar you’re spending on Cook’s puts you a few rungs higher on the social ladder. You’ll be vacationing in the Hamptons in no time, baby.
Actually, he’d probably demand you give it to him, even the bad stuff is good stuff during Prohibition.
What Level Stripper Does This Best Pair With?:
What Your Date to the New Year’s Party Would Say If You Told Them You Drank This:
“Can you please stop pointing that bottle at me? You and I both know you have a history of ‘popping’ prematurely, if you know what I mean. Ouch, God dammit Brad you hit me right in the shoulder!”
We Mixed it With:
Orange juice to make a Mimosa. You’re not doing brunch right if you’re not hammered before noon.