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Booze Review: Fireball

Cinnamon, spice, and everything nice is often attributed to things about girls. No, it’s not a coincidence that those ingredients also make up Fireball. Pitbull loved it so much that he even made a song about it! He’s the most handsome Q-tip in the world, so obviously, Pitbull is doing something right. This review of Fireball is dedicated to him:

Grade: C+

Smells Like:
The first time you puked from alcohol, and also like your eyebrows might burn off.

Tastes Like:
Peer pressure and poorly-chosen $5 cologne.

Typical Drinkers:
– People who obviously peaked in high school, and will constantly remind you of that time their football team would’ve made it to state if it wasn’t for their shitty wide receiver.

– Those who hate themselves.

– The guy who invited you to a date event but sends passive aggressive hints that he refuses to buy all the drinks.

– People who enjoy drinking in barns and losing brain cells in the most efficient way possible.

 

User Comments:
– “Should I text my ex from sophomore year of high school?”

– “I feel like Guy Fieri is personally welcoming me to Flavortown USA.”

– “Why does it feel like my stomach lining is dissolving?”

– “Tell her baby, baby, baby, baby I’m in fire. I tell her baby, baby, baby, baby I’m a… fireball.”

What Pitbull Would Say:
Dale! Now it’s a party! Fireball! Miami! Dale!

Food Pairing Suggestion:
D.A.D.S. are inevitable, so you might as well go all in and eat a microwavable burrito.

You’ll Like This If:
You often find yourself thinking about your old basketball team’s super-sectional game.

We Mixed It With:
Coca-Cola; it’s like a whiskey Coke, but for people who don’t deserve to drink whiskey.

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