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Booze Review: New Amsterdam Citron

New Amsterdam, a bottom shelf vodka with one too many flavors, can be found at any local liquor store for the low, low price of ten dollars and your dignity. If you’re looking to get drunk for a buck, you may be thinking about buying New Amsterdam. Here’s our New Amsterdam Citron review that will convince you otherwise.

Grade: F-

Smells Like:
An extremely large, city-wide gas leak that poisons and kills everyone.

Tastes Like:
A liquid version of a lemon Warhead mixed with battery acid and hatred.

Intoxication Level:
Remember how you said you were done hooking up with your ex who screwed you over? Think again.

Typical Drinkers:
– Students who only have about $10 in their bank account to spend on tonight’s regrets.

– That girl who pretends she likes drinking vodka without a chaser.

– Freshman who is buying alcohol for the first time and thinks the bottle looks kind of fancy.

– Trump takes 3 shots of this every time he wants to post another Tweet.

– You, before you realized you don’t hate yourself THAT much.

User Comments:
– “I drink this for the adrenaline rush, I get high off the pain.”

– “Let’s rage, bro, I’m too sober to talk to girls right now or ever.”

– “If I mix this with water, it’s technically healthy.”

– “I put this in my water bottle before class and try not to cry in the back row of the lecture hall.”

Best Described as a Drink Superior to:
That strange concoction you’d end up with after taking a little bit of vodka from each bottle in your parent’s liquor cabinet.

Will I Die?:
The bottle should have a warning label on it.

Would it Make a Good Christmas Present?:
Buy it for a “friend” who you secretly hope chokes on their own vomit.

We Mixed It With:
Faking a buzz, please stick to water for now.

 

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