The past few years it has been speculated that chivalry is dead and gone in Chambana. But, in an unprecedented act of valiance, one UIUC man has saved chivalry altogether by paying for his hookup’s VeoRide back home.
“I came back home with this chick from Murphy’s and I, like, didn’t want her to sleep over but I didn’t want to say that out loud,” admitted UIUC senior Brendan Ruff. “So I told her I’d pay for her VeoRide to get home safely. The girl swooned when she heard that, like I’d just solved all of her debilitating daddy issues or something.”
It’s the little things like this that really matter. The impact of this young man’s actions have rippled throughout the campus community, and women everywhere are rejoicing in this new change of pace.
“Just when you think all men are pigs, you find the one needle in the haystack,” exclaimed jubilant junior, Jenna Tolls. “Things have gotten so much better, too! The second time we hooked up, he asked if I could pay for the VeoBike instead. I was skeptical at first, but when he explained to me that he was empowering me to make my own financial decisions, I literally melted.”
Despite their controversy on campus, these bikes have indisputably cemented their legacy in the world of modern romance. The fateful VeoRide back home, or “The Shack Heard Around the World,” as historians have called it, is changing the game for millions of men around campus.
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