The slogan “Ahhh! La Grange” can refer to two different kinds of people: the residential moms who think La Grange is some sort of suburban paradise, and the college students stuck there for the summer screaming “Ahhh!” from mind-numbing boredom. But La Grange actually has a lot to offer for the college crowd in terms of drunk food. The thing is, most of them close at like 8 p.m., so here are the best picks we could find.
Dino’s is a hole in the wall on La Grange Road that tastes great on a drunk night out but will have you shitting your brains out the next morning. Their pizza by the slice only $3, leaving us wondering if the crust is actually made out of cardboard, but who cares about quality when they’re plastered? Stuff your face with as many dirt cheap mozz sticks, cheese fries, and jalapeño poppers as you can. Also they have corn dogs. Who has corn dogs anymore?
4.) Baker’s Square:
Dino’s next door neighbor, Baker’s Square, is usually crawling with old people mowing down everyone in their path sometime before the 4p.m. early bird special. But when the sun sets and the elderly realize it’s past their bedtime, a mix of drunk teens and theater kids getting celebratory pie after their middle school play descend upon Baker’s Square. With pies like Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough and French Apple Cream Cheese, you won’t even have to text your hometown hookup to get off.
The 24-hour gas station McDonald’s on La Grange Road probably feels personally victimized by drunk high school and college students, but their revenue doesn’t. Every kid who’s ever been a DD in La Grange has been forced, at some point, by their belligerent passengers to go through the drive thru and order $50 worth of Chicken McNuggets. The McDonald’s in La Grange is also walking/biking distance away, so at least you’ll stay safe while you get fat.
2.) Highland Queen Drive-In:
Highland Queen, also known as “heaven,” is located on 55th Street and looks like it’s straight out of the 1950s — but more in an “it should probably be condemned for safety purposes” way than a quaint way. Highland Queen has everything: ice cream sundaes, dipped cones, shaved ice, an entire Little League team judging you as you drunkenly smear ice cream all over your face. It’s only open until 10 p.m. though, so you’d better leave Kenny’s early to make the 10 minute trek to Highland Queen.
1.) Di Nico’s Pizza:
We cannot stress this enough: Di Nico’s Pizza is the OG drunk food of La Grange. It’s essentially the Michael Jordan of La Grange drunk food, and that is not an overstatement. Di Nico’s is open until 3 a.m. every night and welcomes drunk kids and adults of all ages to stumble through the door and get their hands on some thicc ass pizza. Di Nico’s slices are huge and come in pairs of two with a free drink, so it’s basically every drunk person’s greasy dream. It’s a shame Disneyland trademarked the slogan “The Happiest Place on Earth” because it should be on a sign outside Di Nico’s.
Although all these drunk food places are delicious, any La Grange resident will tell you that Di Nico’s holds the crown. However, the long-awaited addition of Cheesie’s Pub & Grub, a place that will literally just sell grilled cheese and stay open until 3am, might give Di Nico’s a run for its money.