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Green Street Papa John’s to Change Name to “Daddy Johns” in Attempt to Reach Youth Culture


Green Street’s Papa John’s manager, Tom Arnetti, is taking steps to become more culturally relevant on campus.


“Papa just doesn’t have the sexy ring to it that ‘Daddy’ does,” Arnetti explained. “We want to really brand ourselves as a place where the youth can feel comfortable being themselves while eating cheap pizza.”


The move is just one in a series by the Green Street Papa John’s to attempt to make their pizza more accessible to the “meme generation.” Though they had to stop serving emoji-shaped pepperonis due to health code violations, their recent “buy 1 pizza, get 1 choker necklace free” deal has been quite a hit with the kinky-sorority-girl demographic.


“I love that they’re willing to be my Daddy,” explains sophomore Rachel Smith. “It makes me feel like when I order a pizza the delivery guy might also spank me and I think that’s so freaking hot.”



Arnetti, however, vehemently discourages his delivery drivers from spanking their costumers.


“We’ve noticed an uprising of girls answering the door to receive their pizza while completely naked,” Arnetti nervously explained. “And we’ve received a few too many sexts to our phone order line. But, hey, they say sex sells and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sexualizing delicious pizza.”


The new “Daddy John’s” logo will display CEO Papa John Schnatter fully nude, only holding a pizza box over his genitals.




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