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What Happened at the UGL From 12:30 a.m. to 1:35 a.m.

The Black Sheep sent one of its writers, Cham Bana, to the UGL after midnight to see what would happen. Everything in this article is 100% true.

The UGL is objectively the best place to study in the Urbana-Champaign area. The Main Library closes at 10 p.m., the ACES library is in the middle of nowhere, and the people at Grainger don’t shower. You could study at Lincoln Hall, if you manage to find an open classroom (you won’t.) Really, the UGL is like the quote on the Statue of Liberty that says, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to pass ECON 103.” That’s how the quote goes, right? With finals coming up, we knew the UGL would be weirder than usual, especially after midnight, so we went to check it out:

12:30 a.m.: I arrive to the Underground Library. I’m greeted by a circle of dudes chain-smoking cigarettes outside while I struggle to swipe my i-card.

12:32 a.m.: It’s past midnight on a Monday and I still can’t find an empty table. I can’t say I’m too surprised.

12:34 a.m.: After two power laps around the first floor, I find a spot in which to post up. Time to start lampin’.

12:45 a.m.: I’m almost positive that I saw the girl sitting across from me crawling on top of the main bar at Red Lion last Thursday. She really took the term “bar crawl” to a whole new league. Work hard, play hard I, guess.

12:46 a.m.: The bar crawler catches me looking at her. Awkward.

12:47 a.m.: Should I say hi to her? What would I even say? “Hey, I saw you crawling on the bar at TRL last Thursday?” Why am I like this? She probably thinks I’m weird. Fuck, I think my face is getting red.

12:49 a.m.: I move tables.

12:54 a.m.: Is that guy hitting a vape?

12:55 a.m.: Yes, he is hitting a vape. Those are some decent clouds. Still, get a JUUL, grandpa! It’s not 2015 anymore.

                                                             

1:04 a.m.: I can’t believe Uggles is on the loose again. Can’t they just get him a cage already?

                                                               

1:12 a.m.: Jesus, that is a lot of laptop stickers. What did your computer do to you, man?

1:13 a.m.: I wonder what it feels like to want a laptop sticker.

1:16 a.m.: Girl passes out at a table. She’s still holding onto a pen. Respect.

                                                                            

1:18 a.m.: Three cups of covfefe? That girls going to have a heart attack!

                                                               

1:22 a.m.: I notice the guy sitting next to me is wearing a full powerlifting outfit, tights and all.

1:26 a.m.: The group a table over from me must all be on some type of stimulant. None of them have looked up from their work once since I got here, and the guy furthest to the right is shaking.

                                                               

1:32 a.m.: We have a Pathfinder Club? Sign me the fuck up.

1:35 a.m.: I get a Snapchat from a FWB and leave.

We’ll never understand why the UGL is so busy after midnight. What do these people do during the day? Have they ever even stepped foot in KAM’S? The late night UGL crowd takes the path less traveled by, and that makes all the difference.  

 

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