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Hi, I’m Brad Underwood And I Can Get You In A Slightly-Used Pontiac Aztek Today for Just $9,999!

Hey there, it’s Brad Underwood, nice to meet ya, bud.  I saw you eyein’ that Pontiac Aztek right out there, and lemmie tell ya, if you just gimme a few minutes to talk to my manager, I bet I can get you in that sweet ride today.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the basketball stuff pays the bills alright, but I’ve always had a hankerin’ to flip me some fine autos. Say, how ‘bout this—sign on the dotted line riiiiiiiiiiiiight here and I’ll throw in a pair of tickets to see Rutgers at home this year. Good squad, sure as shit beat you boys last year. Offers like this, man, Todd’s gonna yell at me for throwin’ these puppies in. But, I’ll do it for you, I don’t do it for just anyone.

Oh, yeah, squad will be fine next year, but you know what else is also fine? The miles per gallon on this Aztek. It’ll getcha 18 in the city, and sure, that’s not great what with these newfangled Honda Civics and whatnot, but can that dinky little Civic haul a family of four to Home Depot and back, while getting’ all the stuff you need to build Rufus that doghouse? Don’t think so, and under 10 grand is a sweet deal, my man!

 

Jeremiah Tilmon, yeah, he’ll stick around—I’ve seen a thing or two in this business, and trust me, I know how to keep folks like him on the lot. But guess what? This deal won’t last forever, so I can go back and check with my manager one more time, but you should really consider this Aztek, deals like this don’ come around every day!

 

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