Local Pornographer Dead

author-pic at University of Illinois  

Late Wednesday evening, local pornographer Hugh Hefner was found dead in his home. He was 91.

Prior to joining the lewd underbelly of tasteless nudity, Hefner graduated from the University of Illinois, with a degree in psychology in 1949.

Following a successful stint as a copywriter for Esquire magazine, Hefner left the world of respectable magazine journalism to pursue a life in the world of pornography. In 1953 Hefner debuted Playboy magazine, featuring the unclothed female figure, meant to stimulate the degraded youth of post-WWII America.

In the following years Hefner’s Playboy smut empire grew, as he personally amassed millions in wealth off the bare backs of hardworking, naked women.

Hugh Hefner was perhaps best known for his domicile, the Playboy Mansion, in which he housed many of the very same women who appeared on the sticky pages of his magazine.

Now dead, Hefner’s soul burns in Hell eternal alongside the Maquis de Sade, Oscar Wilde, Bob Guccione and other philanderers who came before him.

In death, pornographer Hugh Hefner leaves behind a wife and four children.