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Is It Offensive To Have Finals During Hanukkah?

Just because Christmas trees are going up around Champaign, it doesn’t mean that every UIUC student is feeling jolly for the holidays. It’s especially hard to feel jolly or have any holiday cheer when you have finals. The university has chosen to hold its finals during Hanukkah. Is it offensive to the Jews that we have to take important exams for a minor holiday? Two writers who have read a portion of the Old Testament when they were 13 answer that below.

 Diego Manischewitz: I’m not offended finals are taking place on Hanukkah. The holiday is eight days long and you “celebrate” it by just lighting a candle for two minutes and mumbling a prayer. We get Christmas off because the Christians need an entire day to eat non-Kosher ham, stay in their pajamas all day and avoid Chinese restaurants so they don’t have to see a Jewish person for one day. What gets you all riled up taking finals during this minor holiday?

Nhoc Nehpets: If I have finals during Hanukkah, when am I going to get a chance to try on all of my new pairs of underwear that my grandparents gifted me? It’d be rude if I don’t send all of my family members a “thank you” card for sending me gifts via Amazon Prime, and if I need to study for ENGL 102 the entire week, I won’t get any time to enjoy Hanukkah.

Diego Manischewitz: Socks are always a nice gift I simply can’t buy myself, but you need to stop kvetching. Be thankful that we even have an eight-day holiday where each day is the same. The goyim are so excited for Christmas that not only do they have a calendar countdown but they have a freaking “eve” because they’re ungodly pumped for a  one-day commercialized holiday. Why aren’t you thankful for the eight days we have?

Nhoc Nehpets: Let’s not go around saying that I’m not thankful for Hanukkah. What I’m most bummed about is the lack of Hanukkah bushes in Champaign-Urbana, and I can’t enjoy these eight crazy nights without a bush. Typically I’d go home to Buffalo Grove to pick out the perfect bush and bring back my Hanukkah Harry doll because I wouldn’t feel bad missing a regular lecture. But missing a FINAL? Nope, no time for me now to grab my Hanukkah doll.

Diego Manischewitz: They’ll accommodate if you have a note from a Rabbi– or Moses– if you’re so bothered taking a final.. Are you surprised that we have finals during Hanukkah on a campus where a menorah gets vandalized every single year? At least people will be kept busy from doing some offensive.

Nhoc Nehpets: I’m not surprised, I’m saying there’s nothing like lighting the candles around the people you love. I’m not sure my roommate who always puts a sock on our Taft-Van Doren door is a person I love and will want to light the menorah with me.

Diego Manischewitz: Lighting a menorah is a fire hazard, which is the least dangerous thing happening in TVD, unlike unprotected sex and spiders. The university is treating the holiday like a hazard and the only way to prevent a hazard is to hold grade-defining exams.

Nhoc Nehpets: Grade-defining exams, my tuchas. Hanukkah is a time for potato pancakes, socks, and fire hazards, and someone has to realize that. Finals don’t matter to me, so I’m going to put on my yarmulke, it’s time for Hanukkah.

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