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Partygoers Unclear Where UIUC Sorority Girl Wants to Go After She Screams “LION!” for 100th Time


Confusion arose at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign’s Omega Epsilon fraternity house after one sorority girl kept screaming the whole time at a pregame.


“This crazy girl kept screaming ‘LION!’ literally the moments following her first shot,” said Omega Epsilon social chair Doug Curtis. “Listen, if I knew what the hell she was talking about, I would lead her to the right direction. I’m really only nice to her for the sake of Greek relations and to make sure we get Block next year. I’m, like, totally an asshole in real life.”


Allegedly Kappa Beta Delta sorority girl Brittany Williams walked into the fraternity, saw somebody she met once, hugged him and then went straight to the counter where the drinks are.


“I went straight for the strawberry Burnett’s and demanded that somebody take a shot with me because I can’t take a shot without anyone paying attention to me… obviously,” said Williams. “After my drink went down my esophagus, I wanted to make my intentions loud and clear and immediately. So, I started screaming ‘LION!’ for the next 90 minutes to let people know what bar I wanted to go to. I even started foaming at the mouth to get people’s attention.”


Unfortunately, not one partygoer understood what Williams was screaming at the top of her lungs.


“We were taking suggestions on what bar we should head out to after the pregame all night actually,” said Curtis. “However it’s extremely difficult to understand what’s someone is saying if they’re scream-slurring at the top of their lungs is their normal voice. We use inside voices here.”


Ultimately, the partygoers decided to have a “chill night” and head out to Cly’s Wine Night.


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