Your last night in Champaign should be an unforgettable experience when you finally do all the things you’ve haven’t had the chance to do for the past four years. Here are a few activities you can do to help make this night as fun and embarrassing as you’d like.
10.) Take Body Shots Off of Alma:
What better way to spend your last night as a student at the University of Illinois than to drink with our very own Alma Mater? Alma will appreciate you celebrating your school spirit with her as you luge vodka out of her unreasonably large cloak sleeves. I-L-L!
9.) Prank Call U of I’s Chancellor:
Call up our old friend Rob and tell him a joke that only someone over 50 would understand. Robert J. Jones seems like the type of guy to enjoy a harmless prank call such as dropping the classic “Is your refrigerator running?”
8.) Ask the Bouncers of Champaign for Their IDs:
After four years of getting questioned about your ID, it’s time for you to harass the same men about their hometowns, addresses, and zip codes. Charge the doormen $10 cover to get into their own bar, complete with mediocre drinks and service.
7.) Skinny Dip in the ARC’s Outdoor Swimming Pool:
Strip down and take a dip in the unquestionably sanitary ARC swimming pool. Here you can spend your last moments as a Fighting Illini goofing around with your friends or hooking up with your current FWB. After all, the best memories happen when you’re naked.
6.) Play Your Favorite Song on the Altgeld Bells:
If you really want to let the whole campus know it’s your last night, play a top-40 song on the Altgeld bells for all to hear. Nothing says “I’m excited to get the fuck out of here but I’m also going to cry about leaving like I did when Antonio’s,” like “Bounce Back” by Big Sean or “Paris” by The Chainsmokers.
5.) Ice Out and Chug Your Very Last Blue Guy:
Even though KAM’s Blue Guys made up half your sugar intake these past years, you still haven’t managed to get sick of throwing up blue chunks the morning after a night out. Your last night bar-hopping should be spent chugging U of I’s signature drink and throwing ice at innocent bystanders as you cry about your unsure future.
4.) Pole Dance on the Joe’s Stripper Pole:
You might as well go all out and be as extra as possible during your last night. A memorable strip tease that may or may not end up on YouTube and ruin any chance you have at a future career isn’t that big of a deal, right?
3.) Flash the Quad Cameras:
Sharing your boobs with the people who actually watch the Alma Cam is basically a form of charity work. Besides, everyone knows the cameras on campus are strictly for flashing.
2.) Throw a Bible at Brother Jed:
Give Brother Jed a taste of his own medicine and let him know how you really feel about being screamed at about your sins. Pelt him with the same bible he’s been waving in your face throughout your college career. Then tell him that you’re a slut for dicks, pussy, and melted cheese. It’ll be your very own, very public confessional.
1.) Give a Blowjob at Red Lion:
No one’s had the guts to follow in the Red Lion blowjob girl’s footsteps until now. It’s time for you to step up and keep the tradition alive. Guys and girls alike are welcome for this highly sought-after position as Red Lion’s second blowjob girl, we don’t discriminate.