Every Illini’s new favorite app is HQ Trivia, where multi-thousand-dollar prizes are split up among contestants who can recall the most useless information. As there are hundreds of winners, you usually only end up with about $7.87. This may seem an insignificant amount, but there are in fact several ways to spend your winnings in Chambana.
10.) 2.62 Blue Guys:
With $7.87, you can buy exactly 2.62 Blue Guys and get exactly 2.62% drunk. Just make sure to bring a measuring cup for your bartender.
9.) Printing half of your senior thesis at the Ike:
Graduation is only a few weeks away, so flaunt those stacks by subsidizing the printing cost of your 50-page thesis. Sure you’ll get a terribly grade, but you’ll rest easy knowing you’re a genius who won HQ along with 6,000 other people.
8.) Tickets for a shitty DJ:
Nope, you can’t afford to see Pauly D, but you can definitely score tickets to a lamer DJ. The next time you see “DJ Urinal Cake” is performing at Canopy Club, splurge on a ticket with those seven smackaroos of yours.
7.) Any food with the Hooked app:
If you have Hooked, you know $7.87 is pretty much enough to get a meal almost anywhere on campus. Whether it’s Fat Sandwich, McDonald’s, or even Cracked, your HQ money will save you from starving to death again.
6.) Seven tequila shots:
It’s too easy to get completely sauced at Lion on a Wednesday night with dollar tequila shots. After HQ transfers those winnings into your bank account, head over to the bar for exactly seven shots of cheap tequila and knockoff orange juice chasers.
5.) An Uber home from Soma:
Uber becomes your new best friend when your date vomits behind a booth at Soma. Luckily, $7.87 seems to be the average price of an Uber. Just don’t throw up until after you forget to thank your driver.
4.) A lanyard from the Illini Union Bookstore:
After your hot group date with Scott Rogowsky, make sure to stop at the Illini Union Bookstore to cop a sick Illinois lanyard to hang your i-card and dorm key from. Now, everyone’ll be completely certain that you’re a freshman.
3.) Something useless from “Free & For Sale at UIUC”:
Useless listings make this Facebook group a gem. Maybe you need a used dental dam, a cheap mirror, or homemade candle set. Whatever it is, they have it, for some reason.
2.) Seven and a half hours of parking:
When you need to cram before that big test, you can drive to any library or coffee shop on campus and afford to park there all night after you win HQ! If you find a place to cash out exactly $7.87, you can get up to almost eight hours of parking!
1.) Three Espresso Royale lattes:
When lattes are $2 on Wednesdays, you can afford 3 lattes (including tax!) with your HQ paycheck. Whether you need them all for yourself, or you’re the friend everyone forces to bring coffee to lecture every morning, this round is on HQ.