Cover letters are confusing as is, and honestly, every UIUC student’s seems to be the same. Obviously you want to work there, why the hell else would you submit your resume? Everyone knows that a picture is worth a thousand words, so why not submit an attention-grabbing image instead of a boring cover letter? Here are the 6 best photos to attach to your resume to prove you are an exceptional candidate:
Icing out is something you can only really do in college—it’s not something you’re doing in mom’s basement. The fact that you know how to ice out effectively means you adjust well to your environment and you’re really good at drinking alcohol. Very cool, very impressive, very employable.
This could be either taken as a bribe or as a way to show off that you’re not ballin’ on a budget. Either way, it’s a great idea. It will come off as though you don’t need the job because of money; you want the job because of the opportunity to learn and the skills you possess.
Blowing O’s with a JUUL takes a lot of practice. The first time you used a JUUL, you coughed everywhere and looked like a total fucking loser. Now look at you; you can direct the smoke in an “O” fashion! The progression of your skills is impressive, and it took a lot of dedication and patience. You’re also really cool now, so that’s another winning attribute.
If you own a jersey, you obviously have some type of athletic prowess. This is an impressive skill set in the job world. A huge part of networking is going to sports games or maybe playing sports like racquetball or something, we don’t know. Since you own a jersey, you also hold an impressive ability to come off as likeable and athletic, just like the guy who wears one to Block every week!
Making your own Spotify playlist shows initiative. There are so many playlists already made to choose from. For you to have throwbacks AND new beats on your playlist is insane. The longer the playlist, the more time you put into it. This is the kind of skillset that any employer needs for summer internships. After seeing this, they’re inevitably going to offer you a job.
Let’s be honest: you’re not exactly the most colorful crayon in the box. However, hooking up with that one girl that is way out of your league takes an extensive skillset. Given that your parents gave you the ugly, the fact that you convinced someone to have sex with you required extensive charismatic skills. Employers will acknowledge this and give you (and possibly the hottie) a call.
Getting a job today is excruciatingly competitive. Sure, you go to UIUC and you may have some knowledge under your belt, but that’s not enough! Get an edge on the other applicants by demonstrating the skills you learned outside of the classroom. Not only do you have over a 3.0 GPA; you are also a soon-to-be employed baller.
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