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UIUC Frat ICES Form

 

ICES Form season is upon us, the time of year where you can exact your petty revenge on your asshole professor who refused to give you excused absences for being too hungover from Wine Night. But wouldn’t it be nice if there was something like that for the frats on campus? Well now there is, so feel free to fill out one of these and leave it at their doors; just don’t tell them we sent you.

How would you rate the overall fratiness?: Goober geeds 1 2 3 4 5 P*ssy slaying legends

The physical structure of the frat house: Inner city public housing 1 2 3 4 5 Frat castle

Rate the quality of grass of the frat house’s lawn: Stained in dog piss 1 2 3 4 5 Racist country club

Smell that lurches through the halls the house: Spoiled BBQ meat 1 2 3 4 5 Lavender Febreze Plug-In

General cleanliness of the floors of the house: Radioactive 1 2 3 4 5 Clean enough for a pledge to lick

The friendliness of the bro at the front door of parties: “Who do you know here?” 1 2 3 4 5 “Yeah, come on in dude!”

The average attractiveness of guys in the house: Scrawny man child 1 2 3 4 5 daddy

The current condition of the freshman pledge class: So f*cked 1 2 3 4 5 f*cked

The house dog they use to pick up chicks with: Yippy rat 1 2 3 4 5 Rare pupper

The drink concoctions they serve at basement rush parties: Piss water 1 2 3 4 5 Slightly less diluted piss water

The lit parties that you didn’t make it on the list for: Sausage fests 1 2 3 4 5 Certified bangers

The brotherhood that costs several hundred dollars a month: Non-existent 1 2 3 4 5 Borderline Homoerotic

Membership size of national’s worst chapter: Smaller than their president’s penis 1 2 3 4 5 Basically a sorority

Treatment of women and all others who aren’t straight, white men: Medieval era misogyny 1 2 3 4 5 Like human beings

Describe how fratty their wardrobe is: GAP clothing 1 2 3 4 5 Vineyard Vines rewards member

Rate the overall academic standing of their house: Parkland College dropouts 1 2 3 4 5 U of I dropouts

Score the frat’s overall bar pull on campus: Has a pledge at the Smoothie Bar 1 2 3 4 5 Instant drinks at Lion

How active they are outside of Greek life: “Don’t frats count as an RSO?” 1 2 3 4 5 Hasn’t unsubscribed from RSO emails from Quad Day 2014

Describe their annual philanthropy event in Frat Park: Total shitshow 1 2 3 4 5 Total shitshow with hot girls

Overall reputation on Greek Rank: Kick ‘em off immediately 1 2 3 4 5 Top Hau5

 

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