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‘Call Me By Your Name and I’ll Call You By Mine’ Trend Complicates UI Class Attendance

Students across the UI campus are raving about the Oscar-nominated film Call Me By Your Name. However, the movie’s growing popularity has caused problems during daily attendance roll call for one University of Iowa cinema course.

“There’s an extremely touching scene in the film in which Oliver, played by Armie Hammer, tells Emilio, played by Timothée Chalamet, ‘call me by your name and I’ll call you by mine,'” explained Iowa film professor Navie Wrench. “The two characters then proceed to refer to one another by their own first names as they frolic across the Italian countryside. It’s very charming.”

While the infamous quote is endearing when muttered by tan, Hollywood starlets wearing 1980’s-era short shorts, it’s proven to be problematic when shouted by greasy, University of Iowa Cinema majors.

“This movie is fucking up the entire first fifteen minutes of my 8 a.m. lecture,” complained Professor Wrench. “My asshole students think it’s quirky and fun to call each other by their own names, and sometimes by my name. I have no idea who is who in my class, and it makes taking attendance literally impossible.”

Despite their professor’s complaints, the students in Modes of Film and Video Production plan to continue following the “Call Me By Your Name and I’ll Call You By Mine” trend for the rest of the spring semester.

Said sophomore Alan Stemwenk, who goes by Carl in class, “Call My By Your Name is a remarkable piece. From the high quality acting to the breathtaking cinematography, I just can’t seem to get enough of director Luca Guadagnino’s work.”

According to Stemwenk, there aren’t many opportunities to connect to the world of Emilio and Oliver, primarily due to the fact that he lives in a meth house on Lucas Street instead of a sprawling European summer mansion. “Calling my classmates by my own name is the perfect way to keep the magic of the film going long after the credits roll! And one time, this beautiful girl named Alan–” (here, Stemwenk refers to classmate Judith Breeze) “–called me by her name, and asked me if I wanted to get Panch with her after class! SCORE!”

“Honestly, it could be worse,” reflected Professor Wrench. “I’m now on probation for failing to submit my attendance records for the last three weeks, I wrote a letter of recommendation for Kayla that was actually supposed to be for Marc, and my grade book is more confused than Emilio’s sexual orientation. But hey, at least Burge Dining Hall agreed to stop serving masturbation peaches.” 

In similar news, 74 students named “Lady Bird” are currently enrolled in the 9 a.m. Transnational Feminism lecture.

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