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UI Language Department To Offer New ‘Dirty Talk’ Major

From Spanish to Mandarin to Swahili, The University of Iowa Division of World Languages is known across the nation as a diverse and inclusive collegiate faction. The division maintained its reputation this past month by announcing a new foreign language major for fall 2018: Dirty Talk.

“The Dirty Talk major will be offered on a trial basis to incoming freshmen starting next fall,” explained foreign language professor Rudeyard Kipschlong. “The University of Iowa has a long history of encouraging faculty, students and community members to innovate through education. Our new Dirty Talk major certainly fits this trend.”

The department first piloted the Bachelor of Arts in Dirty Talk in 2014, after Kipschlong received an email from Benny Frantz, a sophomore Spanish minor. The email, meant for Frantz’s girlfriend that was accidentally sent to Kipschlong’s UI Outlook account, was riddled with a primitive form of dirty talk.

“I felt like Napoleon Bonaparte discovering the Rosetta Stone,” said Kipschlong, his eyes clouding with tears. “These words – my god, these words. Words I had never seen before. Words I didn’t even know how to pronounce! Words that touched me, viscerally, figuratively, almost literally. Phrases so beautifully graphic, so intricately crafted, so effortlessly effective – I couldn’t do anything else the rest of the day! That email changed my life.”

As a part of the Dirty Talk curriculum, students will be asked to do a semester-long analysis of this groundbreaking email, starting from the first line of “Dear Cum Queen,” and ending with the iconic last line of “Sincerely, Cum King.”

“Our goal is to teach basic Dirty Talk proficiency in the first two years of the BA program. Once the students have this foundation, they will hopefully achieve fluency and expertise by the time they graduate,” explained Kipschlong. “As with our other foreign language majors, we highly recommend students take advantage of the study abroad program. We have contacts with some of the the highest positions at the PornHub headquarters in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. Complete cultural immersion is essential to honing Dirty Talk.”

Many excited UI students have already begun unpacking the new Dirty Talk major requirements and practicing their skills in preparation for next fall. Said one freshman, “I can’t stop thinking about this new major, and I’ve already learned a few phrases! I am, how you say, so fucking horny, daddy!”

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