Connect with us
Connect with us

Iowa

We Interviewed that One Fuckin’ Guy Who Always Sits in the Front Row of Your Lecture Hall

Over past three weeks, the Iowa City Police Department has received multiple complaints about UI junior, Jace Potter. Potter attracted negative attention from his peers when he chose to sit in the front row of all three of his lectures this semester — an act many college students view as borderline criminal. In addition to sitting in the center of the very first row of seats, Potter also consistently arrives to class 10 minutes early. The Black Sheep sat down with the finance major to find out just exactly what the fuck is so unbelievably wrong with him. 

The Black Sheep: Hey Jace! Thanks for meeting us for a quick chat.

Jace Potter: Well actually, you met me here. I have my 9:30 a.m. lecture here in Van Allen on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday so uh, hey MTV? Welcome to MY classroom! Ha!

TBS: Right, of course. Here we are, in the middle of the front row…

Potter: Yep, just how I like it!

TBS: And why exactly do you enjoy sitting in the front row so much?

Potter: It’s the ideal way to experience a class. I feel like I get a more in-depth learning experience when I sit in front. I get more out of the class, have to do a lot less catching up at home, and it helps hold me accountable!

TBS: That’s absolutely delusional. What do you have to say about your classmate’s complaints that what you do here every week is “inhuman, deeply upsetting and traumatic”?

Potter: Ha! I mean, it makes me laugh. I was a bit of a shy guy in high school so getting some attention here at Iowa is actually quite nice!

TBS: Cut the shit, Jace. We don’t need you pontificating about learning and punctuality. God. This is disgusting.

Potter: I’m so sorry to upset you, Madam Reporter. Excuse me one minute, my mom just texted me to say good morning! I like to text her back immediately so she always knows that I love her too — even from miles away.

TBS: Are you fucking kidding me? I can’t believe I was assigned to do this damn interview. My skin is crawling. 

Potter: Hey, if you don’t mind, could you please watch the expletives? One of my New Years resolutions is to spread kindness through my words! The English language is a beautiful, powerful tool and I feel honored and privileged to get the opportunity to speak it every day!

TBS: Wow, okay. Honestly Jace, I’m getting a headache from listening to all of your bullshit, so why don’t we just push forward and get this over with. Tell me, why do you come to lecture 10 minutes before it starts?

Potter: Sounds great! I think getting into a routine of punctuality makes the soul feel sublime. Plus, I’m already up meditating two hours before class anyway! I also love watching my fellow classmates file into the lecture hall. Young adults are fascinating, complex creatures capable of changing the world! 

TBS: Really, like, fuck you. We’re done here.

Shortly after this interview ended, Potter’s Intro to Macroeconomics professor arrived and the junior pulled out his notes and politely turned toward the Professor’s lectern like a fucking piece of shit.

Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame:

Continue Reading

More from Iowa

Advertisement
Advertisement
To Top