The iPhone X is Apple’s newest and greatest release yet. However, before the phone had been out for 24 hours, sorority sisters from the University of Iowa chapters of Delta Chi and Phi Beta Chi were less than happy with the release. The two houses paired together, hopped on I-80 and drove to the nearest Apple store to complain.
“We proudly stand against Apple’s heinous use of Greek letters and are personally offended by the accepted pronunciation of the iPhone X,” said Stacy Childs, UI Delta Chi alum.
Upon arrival, the group approached the Apple employees and demanded they contact the late Steve Jobs at once. After being told that this was not an option, the sisters proceeded to march around the store, chanting: “iPhone X is such a mess, but iPhone Chi will never die!” into the faces of many unsuspecting customers and MacBook Pros.
Authorities were contacted once the two sororities began to vandalize and hold Apple employees hostage. Said manager Siri Canal, “A couple of terrifying sisters tied my hands together with a lightning cable and threatened to deactivate my phone. Luckily, they saw my lock screen photo, a picture of my wife and kids in Hawkeye gear, and decided to let me go.”
Despite their violent tendencies, the women did not resist arrest by local Des Moines police. Said Megan Mayhem, member of UI Delta Chi, “I regret nothing. I will do anything to defend my favorite Greek letter, Chi. Plus, I don’t even care if I get sentenced to community service. Volunteer work is a fundamental pillar of DChi!”
“Um, I’m sorry. I heard you pronouncing it wrong,” explained China Chinton, Phi Beta Chi President. “It’s not the iPhone ‘Ten’, and it’s not the iPhone ‘ex’, like what your wife is going to be after those divorce papers go through. It’s the iPhone ‘Chi’, like it rhymes with bye? Just check the Des Moines Register tomorrow. They know what’s up.”
In similar news, University of Iowa fraternity Delta Tau Delta is suing the late 17th century mathematician Blaise Pascal. Said DTD Vice President, “It’s pronounced ‘Delta’ not ‘Triangle’. What a fucking idiot!”
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