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5 University of Iowa Dorms Renamed as the Trash They Truly Are

 

If there’s one thing that every Hawkeye can agree on, it’s that underclassman are trash. However, this insult doesn’t mean as much as it used to since in recent years, UIowa has created a more “eco-friendly” trash disposal system. The Black Sheep has carefully evaluated Iowa’s many new varieties of trash and recycling containers, and we are proud to present this comprehensive list comparing each UI dorm to a unique and special rubbish bin category: 

5.) Burge–Landfill:

The Dirty B is the definition of a human landfill. Weaving between the scattered Jimmy John’s delivery men and frat boys waiting for their overzealous formal dates, one finally arrives at the insanely long Burge Marketplace line only to eat different kinds of oven-roasted sodium. Burge is basically the residence/dining hall equivalent of a dumpster fire.

4.) Petersen–Plastic:

Not only is plastic a futuristic innovation, it is also a perfect description of the Apple-Headquarters-knock-off that is Peterson Hall. Peer inside a plastic trash can and you’ll see a sea of transparent, clean, shiny things arrayed together neatly— is anyone else thinking of the Petersen waterfall wall?

3.) Stanley–Compost: 

Stanley is home to Iowa City’s artists. Whether your medium is theatre arts, poetry, or dance, chances are you found an LLC of like-minded, blue haired creatives in Stanley Hall. Being a college artist is usually synonymous with being super dope and woke, so all of the raw carrots and Naked smoothies of the universe live in Stanley, similar to the veggie receptacles of Iowa!

2.) Slater/Rienow–Cans:

No one remembers to dispose of cans apart from any other material when throwing away their bagged lunch. Similarly, no one remembers the existence of Slater and Rienow! Obscure and isolated, Slater and Rienow still sit proudly on the West Side of the river and are here to stay, just like the neglected can recycle bin. La Croix, anyone?

1.) Catlett–Glass:

Anything that comes in a glass bottle or container is expensive and fancy, that’s in the Bible! Though Catlett Hall hasn’t opened yet, we already know the type of students that’ll live there: ones who get a Tempur-Pedic mattress pad for their XL twin bed. Messing up Catlett will be easy, like breaking glass in the all-too-fragile glass bin, and if they let anyone from the Dirty B in, it’ll happen sooner rather than later.

Being an underclassman trash dummy isn’t as bad as it sounds after all! At the end of the day, if you have lived anywhere outside of Petersen in your collegiate career, you’re trash too, but hey, at least you’re in good company. On Iowa! RECYCLE!

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