Summer is the perfect time for self care! With the stress of classes and finals behind me, I am finally able to recharge my body and my soul. After spying a box of Lemon Zest LUNA Bars at the grocery store, I decided to start the summer off with a real bang and do the LUNA Cleanse: simply one LUNA bar, every two hours, for seven days. Check out my crazy Cleanse Log below; LUNA bars empowered, emboldened and invigorated me so much, I transformed into Luna, the moon from the 1997 Playhouse Disney TV show Bear in the Big Blue House!
Day one of the LUNA Cleanse! Today I ate eleven Lemon Zest LUNA Bars and am feeling bold, inspired and ready to blaze my own trail.
Day two of the LUNA Cleanse! I was feeling extra ravenous today, so I ended up eating 18 Lemon Zest LUNA Bars. If I’m being completely honest, I spent a few hours on the toilet expelling organic milled flaxseed, and estrogen. However, I am inspired to continue this cleanse because as the back of every LUNA bar says, I’m gonna be someone who makes ME happy!
Day three of the LUNA Cleanse! Wow, this is getting tough. I’m sick of tearing these wrappers open, and I’m starting to forget what it’s like to eat food that is not marketed towards a single gender. On the bright side, the president of Clif Bar retweeted this selfie! #LUNALIVING #GARYERICKSON #CLIFDADDY #CLIFME
Day four of the LUNA Cleanse! It was super hot out today, so my friends from high school and I went to the beach to cool off. It was really fun, and the girls even split a LUNA bar for a yummy sand-time snack! However, whenever I went close to the shore the tide would get so freaking crazy? Ugh!
Day Five of the LUNA Cleanse! Something is happening to my body. I can’t say I’m surprised, because I’ve pounded 78 Lemon Zest LUNA Bars over the past five days. But I feel really…strange. My face is getting rounder, my mouth seems to be widening and I’m emotionally volatile — my mood is constantly waxing and waning. I thought about going to the doctor, but I decided to push through the pain.
Day six of the LUNA Cleanse! WOW WOW WOW! I woke up this morning and I couldn’t believe my big, round eyes. I feel so nourished, so ethereal, so powerful. I no longer need to sleep! I love to sing! I am attracted to sky, sexually. I spent the entire day searching for tall oak trees or local credit unions to climb to the top of so I can be as close as possible to the stars. The more LUNA Bars I eat, the more my skin just glows.
Day Seven of the LUNA Cleanse! Today was monumental. I didn’t realize it in the moment, but I can now see that my consumption of over 120 Lemon Zest LUNA Bars this week has resulted in a complete physical, mental and soulful transformation from 20year-old Midwestern Jewess to ageless, wise moon puppet Luna from Bear in the Big Blue House.
I am so proud to be Luna from Bear in the Big Blue House. I will spend the rest of the summer consuming LUNA Bars in order to maintain my lunar form and searching my hometown for bipedal muppet bears that want to chronologically discuss the events of their day on a blue balcony. Thank you, LUNA Bars, for pushing me to discover my true self. And now, off to shine my light on all the wonderful places and woodland creatures in this beautiful world. Goodbye, goodbye, good friends, goodbye. Cause now it’s time to go.
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: