Famed hot dog joint Swankie Frankie, once a staple of Iowa City nightlife, was tragically replaced by a Zephyr Print Shop last year. While most of the hot dogs were thought to have been removed from the premises, one was found left under a printer just last week.
“I thought I was going to die in that place. I remember the day everyone left. The grills were all packed up, and I was about to be picked up to leave, but they just forgot me, man,” the Chicago Dog with extra mustard stated. “Do you have any idea how fucking hard it is for a hot dog to survive in a print shop? What the hell even is a print shop?”
36-year-old Zephyr employee Eliot Jinsang, discovered the hotdog late Tuesday afternoon when he dropped his bag of Sour Patch Kids on the floor.
“Yeah uhh at first I thought I was just imagining this thing, I mean I had just eaten some shrooms so I was pretty high,” Jinsang said. “I saw this old crusty ass hotdog on the floor, and it started talking to me. Sounds like that dog’s had it rough, guys.”
When asked how he had survived the ordeal, the hot dog replied,“I just kept dreaming that one day, I’d be back in the coolness and comfort of my refrigerator. Write that down in your stupid fucking books. I was trapped underneath a printer for an entire goddamn year, with only a squirt of mustard as nourishment. Did you know mustard has no nutritional value?”
UI sophomore, Tommy Wendell, who has been making frequent trips to other areas of Iowa in search of another Swankie Frankie location, is curious about how to get in touch with the hot dog.
“Dude, I, like, loved Swankie Frankie. Looooved,” Wendell said. “I don’t even care that it’s a year old, I’d eat that thing in a heart beat. Anything to hear that hot dog snap one last time.”
Zephyr Print Shop is currently being scoured for any more remaining hot dogs. Any found will be returned to their refrigerators, or Tommy Wendell.
Listen to our podcast!