Romance Blossoms Between Horny Students on ICON Discussion Board

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The Union bar. The HyVee cereal aisle. The alley behind Which Wich. These are Iowa City’s most romantic spots: the places you’d expect to find that special someone. Little did UI freshmen Lexi Priovolos and Kyle Martendal know that they would find a blossoming flirtationship in the most unlikely place: an ICON discussion board for their art history survey course. The Black Sheep has acquired the transcript of the fateful conversation that brought these two together:

PROFESSOR THOMPSON: Looking at the Aphrodite of Knidos as an example, where can we see influence from previous ancient Greek art in the form and composition of this piece?

LEXI PRIOVOLOS: I think it’s interesting to compare the Aphrodite of Knidos to earlier Greek sculptures–theuse of contrapposto can be traced back to the Early Classical period.

KYLE MARTENDAL: I totally agree. The Early Classical period is probably my favorite, actually. So much cool sculpture, cool pottery.

LP: Oh, wow…it’s actually my favorite too. Crazy, right?

KM: So crazy!

LP: I’m Lexi, by the way.

KM: Kyle.

PT: If we could stay on topic, that would be great, guys.

LP: What’s your favorite kind of ancient Greek pottery, Kyle?

KM: Red figure vases, for sure. The technique makes the figures look so…sensual.

PT: Guys…

LP: Yeah, I know what you mean. The way their bodies just–

KM: Yeah.

PT: Okay it doesn’t even make sense for you to be finishing each other’s sentences in an online forum.

KM: Hey Lexi, I’ve been wondering–

LP: Yes, Kyle?

KM: Would you maybe want to go to Java House sometime?

LP: Oh, I’d love to!

KM: We could study, talk about ancient art…

LP: Yeah, yeah,

KM: Do some over-the-pants fingering–

LP: Mmmmhm.

PT: GUYS.

LP: I’d love to, Kyle.

KM: Cool, cool.

PT: Guys, I know I’m the “cool” professor, I know I let you guys Snapchat and Whatsapp and Facebook Live during class, but this is not alright. You’re both definitely getting reported for this.

KM: I feel like I’ve known you since the Bronze Age, Lexi.

PT: PLEASE JUST TEXT EACH OTHER.

LP: Me too, Kyle.

KM: Send nudes?

LP: Sure thing, you sculpted marble demigod.

Editor’s note: It was then that a confused and uncomfortable ITS assistant was notified of what was happening, and ICON was shut down for several hours in order for “everyone to just take a step back and reflect,” according to a statement by the University.