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UIowa Student Orgs Renamed to Fit What They Actually Are

New to campus and still looking for a way to get involved? Chances are Iowa has a club for you! Whether you’re into popping other people’s back zits, talking about your attraction to deli meat, or anything in between, you can find like-minded individuals in one of Iowa’s many student organizations! The Black Sheep has compiled the true names of some of Iowa’s most popular clubs to give you a better understanding of what you’re signing up for: 

8.) Fight Inclined Student Thespians: “Cool LARPing Club”:
Every kid wants to get to college and be the hottest thespian on the dorm floor. No one likes a thespian who doesn’t know his way around a sword. If you want to bring some action to your theatrical endeavors, Fight Inclined Student Thespians will help you learn how to break hearts, but not bones. These are the sexiest swordsmen on campus, and if you need to step up your Live Action Role Play abilities, this student org will get you connected with the top guns on campus.

7.) Golden Key International Honors Society: “I Paid for a Resume Builder Club”:
If you give the Golden Key Society $40, they’ll give you a t-shirt to sleep in and a bumper sticker to throw on the back of your mom’s Toyota Sienna. Other than getting slightly above average grades, the only qualification for this club is that you never attend meetings and immediately forget that you joined. It would ruin the whole reputation if members expected an actual experience from this organization.

6.) HackIowa: “Trying to Break the Code to The Matrix Club”:
Do you believe that the university ideal is conspiring against the malleable intellectual minds of the student population? Would you love to end the overly righteous standardization of academic and social hierarchies that create binary forces within society that are comparable to a computer code? Do you believe you have the key to liberating the mechanized population of this student body? Join up.

5.) Anime and Manga Club: “Is it Normal to Be Sexually Attracted to Cartoons? Club”:
One of the greatest parts about being on a big campus is that there’s always someone you can relate to. If the big eyes and voluptuous bodies of Japanese cartoons maybe get you a little riled up, or if you find yourself a bit heated during those comic book sex scenes, this is a great club where you can express your true feelings.

4.) Iowa Student Bar Association: “Not That Kind of Bar Association”:
The members of this organization may be drinking students with a law problem, but the focus of the organization is on the exam kind of bar, not The Union kind. So if you used a 24-year-old ID with someone else’s face on it to get into the latter last Thursday, you should probably steer clear.

3.) U of I Juggalos: “Not That Kind of Juggalo Club”:
To clarify: a Juggalo (or Jugalette) is a person who considers themselves a fan of Psychopathic Records hip hop groups, specifically the band Insane Clown Posse. Popular Juggalo songs include “Juggalo Homies,” “Juggalo Anthem,” “Piggy Pie,” and “Dead Body Man.” U of I Juggalos, though, is an organization for fans of circus arts, and more particularly, of juggling. Sorry.

2.) U of I Ski and Snowboard Club: “We Smoke Weed Outside Club”:
While Iowa does boast some of the country’s most scenic and demanding ski hills, Iowa’s student organization dedicated to snow sports likes to take a mellower approach. Very beginner friendly, this club will go over the basics of skiing (the gnar and the bar) while smoking some fat doobies out in nature.

1.) UI Vegan Society: “We Smoke Weed Inside Club”:
Kale got you down? Sick of all those chickpeas? The UI Vegan Society, also known as Veg UI, is here to help you “veg out bro” and learn to enjoy the delicacies that a vegan diet can offer. A kitchen full of green looks a lot better when you’ve got lungs full of green, so this club is perfect for the hungry humanitarian who just wants their salad to taste a little better.

There’s a place for everyone at the University of Iowa; whether it’s skillfully thrusting a fake sword at your thespian pal or tossing a bowling pin to a fellow Juggalo. Wherever you find yourself, just know that The Black Sheep will be here to mock you for it.

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