UIowa Campus Ranked Worst in Parking for the 118th Year Running
All Hawkeyes, current and alumni, felt the pain of losing the number 1 party school ranking. However, that would’ve been nothing compared to losing this particular ranking. The campus collectively held their breath early this morning as the ranking for Worst Campus Parking came out. Would their 118-year streak hold? The Black Sheep was there to report on this important issue.
Yes! This Cinderella story ending concluded with an insane binge drinking weekend downtown that put the University of Madison-Wisconsin to shame. Drunk but proud, the ranking confirmed what University of Iowa students already knew in their hearts: UIowa has the worst parking- EVER.
Iowa stays ahead of the game with a state of the art ticketing system while maintaining an atmosphere of complete confusion. “I parked in the library lot yesterday and got a ticket even though I also had to pay to use the lot,” stated Iowa sophomore and lord of “the dad bod,” Chad Dahc. “I’ve missed lots of important information in my classes running to and from the parking meters,” Chad continued with a soft smile.
It’s these practices that put Iowa above the rest. There had been murmurings that Iowa had an unfair advantage in snagging this particular ranking. “Our campus is integrated with downtown Iowa City and a major hospital, making parking quite the challenge,” admitted University of Iowa President, Bruce Harreld, “However I think this award was well earned.”
While paying thousands of dollars for tuition these students are adding at least an extra thousand for parking in petty change. We couldn’t stop Chad from gushing about the whole ordeal. “The ramps really add up after a week. Also, if the lot closest to your class fills up, then it’s a race against the clock to find another place to park. Street parking is competitive and a lot of the time you’re second guessing yourself. I live for that thrill.”
Iowa ensures full ramps by rigging the CAMBUS to never take you anywhere on time, and keeping their students too broke for Uber.
The Black Sheep would like to congratulate Iowa on their big win and wishes them another parking spot-less 118 years.
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