The 5 Most Miserable Jobs On James Madison’s Campus

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Unlike people, not all on-campus jobs are created equal. Not everyone can score those lofty jobs in ECL or Carrier… Like, seriously what do y’all do? Besides doing homework, twirling in that chair, or referring students to the computer?  Not mad about it, just jealous. Some of us get stuck with less desirable jobs, because ya know, rent. Here are five of the worst.

5.) Being an RA in Eagle:

 Being an RA sucks to begin with. You’re underpaid, and don’t even get your room and board paid for. But, it isn’t that bad, right? WRONG. The legend of Eagle being the rowdiest dorm has been around ever since its 8 floors of un-air-conditioned ratchetness was completed in 1970. Being an RA here is like multiplying the stress of a normal RA job by 100. Do yourself a favor and resign immediately if you get stuck here, because you’re gonna lose a few years off of your life.

4.) Mongolian Grill:

Of the busiest spots on campus to grab lunch, the line for the kiosk begins to form precisely 20 minutes before it opens at 11. Then from 11 until 1 it’s literally non-stop chaos.  The pity is real as the the beads of sweat begin to form the foreheads of the unlucky students who have to dump the Szechuan sauce in the stir fry for hours on end.

3.) Starbucks and Dunkin’:

Much like Mongolian, the sheer volume of students and staff that roll through the lines early in the morning is awful. The constant pressure to balance speed and accuracy for the masses every morning is enough to make anyone crack under pressure, especially if you decided to go out the night before, God bless. What makes the double the awful is the fact that the Starbucks in ECL and Carrier stay open so late. Avoid, if you want to maintain your youthful glow.

2.) Delivering food for Domino’s, Campus Cookies, Jimmy John’s. etc:

While this technically isn’t an on-campus job, you’ll definitely be spending some time visiting the various dorms. The hours are miserable. Working at any of these places, you’re going to be required to dedicate a day out of your weekend to deliver food to hammered students who are actually enjoying their weekend.

 You’ll find your self sitting outside of Potomac at 1:30 in the morning with 2 dozen cookies, 6 chocolate milks, and wondering where the hell is this dude Chad? Oh, here he comes. Jesus, he is stoned, but he tipped 30 bucks, maybe this isn’t that bad after all? No, it’s that bad, don’t let Chad’s baked sense of generosity fool you, this job sucks.

1.) Dhub or Ehall:

You can literally see the misery in the eyes of our peers when visiting either dining hall. Seriously, washing dishes and plopping food on the plates of ungrateful and rude students for 6-8 hours on end is enough to drive even the most cheerful and optimistic to their breaking point. And, it’s not to say that everyone is rude, the reality is the vast majority of students are kind to their fellow peers, because they realize how shitty of a job it actually is. The top 4 were in really no particular order, but this is, absolutely, the worse possible on-campus job. That 9 dollars an hour isn’t worth it, fam. Save yourself and do something, literally anything else.

Moral of the story… don’t work in food. Picture yourself washing dishes for an extended period of time, or profusely sweating because the Starbucks line in Carrier has started to extend into the actual library. Yeah, isn’t very ideal, is it? Do yourself a favor, and just go donate blood plasma at BioLife.