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Who Is Getting Lifted? The Curious Case of the Skunky SSC Elevators

This past Monday James Madison University finally addressed the issue of the marijuana smell in the Student Success Center Elevators. Official JMU spokesperson Bill Wyatt had this to say about the ordeal:

“At this time James Madison University can only speculate as to where the smell is coming from.”

Wyatt continued:

“However, we would like to assure parents, students, and staff that it is, probably not,actually marijuana. But, also to be clear, we aren’t really sure.”

As with the vast majority of press releases by the university the language was very cryptic and not particularly forthcoming when it comes to issues that could potentially hurt the university’s brand.

JMU senior who only wanted to go by “Scooter” had this theory about the smell:

“Yeah bro, like, for me, I think there’s like an actual skunk smoking some like, some skunk, man. Like, he’s just trapped in the elevator shaft and just gets high all time, man. Because what else is he going to do? He’s a stuck skunk, dude, hah.”

Other students were much less skeptical however. Junior statistics major Irving Jacobson said “he’s not sure what all the hullabaloo is all about.”

“For me I don’t really smell anything. I heard that it smells like drugs but I’m honestly always congested because I have extreme allergies that my mom said I got from being exposed to a Douglas fir too early in life, but who knows. If it is the weed, doesn’t it smell like oregano or something?”

At this time, it seems as if the SSC elevators will remain smelling like marijuana. The Black Sheep tried to reach back out to the university for a further comment, but our request was ignored.

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