We’re the Dukes of JMU, and sure, everybody loves Duke Dog. However, what if JMU didn’t have Duke Dog—what if he ceased to exist? What might be JMU’s mascot then? We’ve thought of 5 good replacements.
5.) Escherichia the E. Coli Virus:
Nothing says the Shenandoah Valley quite like the E. coli virus lurking in the rivers. In addition to being a reflection of the current state of our proud river, Escherichia will also honor the proud agricultural identity of the Shenandoah Valley, as livestock are the main source of the virus. Cheer and root for him whenever you see him spreading around campus. Just don’t touch him, unless you want to spend the rest of your week bedridden.
4.) Boozy the Beer Can:
No one goes harder than JMU students, and it is about time the school has a mascot that reflects this. Fun, adventurous, and great at tailgates, Boozy the Beer Can will fit in very nicely at JMU. Picture it now: the cheers of the crowd at Bridgeforth as Boozy is arrested for getting into another fight and then rushing onto the field.
3.) Rich Nova Guy:
Just like how Notre Dame honors its Irish Catholic history with the Fighting Irish mascot, so too must JMU honor its student body with an appropriate mascot. With his arrogant persona and expensive attire, Rich Nova Guy will be the perfect representation for JMU. Freshmen arriving during move-in week will feel right at home and amongst their own when they see Nova Guy talking about his expensive watch and belittling the rest of Harrisonburg. You know we had to do to ‘em.
2.) Wheezy the Cigarette:
Tobacco helped provide wealth to Virginia and its most prominent families, including the Madison family. It is about time that JMU stops ignoring Virginian history and honors this noble plant. Wheezy the Cigarette will be a fitting tribute for a plant that has changed the lives of so many. With his can-do spirit and black-lung disease, everybody will love the giant narcotic. He’ll have to step outside every 30 minutes, though, so keep that in mind.
1.) President Alger:
The Dukes are named after former JMU President Samuel P. Duke. However, he was president over seventy years ago, so maybe it’s time for an update. As the Algers of JMU, the student body will have a brand-new sense of identity, spurring on brand-new feelings of pride. Just think about it. Not only will this modernize the school, but it will also lead to new and exciting traditions. Not only that, it will also help ease the pain of Bryan Schor graduating, as he is President Alger’s long-lost child. Instead of having to chant the name of some old president after a touchdown, crowds will instead chant, “J-M-U Algerrrrrrrrrrrrrs.” The possibilities are limitless.
If, for whatever reason, JMU had to replace Duke Dog, the university should consider itself lucky that it has so many great options.