Nowadays, you can get a box of goodies delivered to your doorstep on a monthly basis. What’s in the box is often a surprise, but there are certain clubs where you can choose what you get. There are snack boxes for your snacky soul, razor boxes for your uncontrollable body hair, and wine boxes for your woes. Here are five subscription boxes that every KU student needs on a monthly basis.
5.) Wrap of the Month Club:
If there’s one thing KU students like more than anything in the world, it’s wraps. If you ever look at Mrs. E’s or Brella’s at the Underground, there are at least three employees sweating their asses off, frantically making wraps for the hundreds of students in line as if there were a gun to their head (which could be a reality come summer of 2017).
4.) The [Miscellaneous Body part]-On Club:
Remember Head On? It was a roll-on balm that you’d apply “directly to the forehead” whenever you had a headache. The company that made it released a balm for nearly every body part. As KU students, we do a lot of walking, climbing, and—depending on what you do over the weekends—falling. A monthly balm would be great for any aches we have from hiking to class , or falling down three flights of stairs at the Cave.
3.) The K-State Tissue of the Month Club:
This subscription box would include a travel-size box of tissues with photos of K-State-related things printed on them, such as fields of corn or people in blackface. Use them for whatever you want. Maybe you want to snot on a Wildcat, but if we’re being honest, you’re just going to “clean up” on a pic of their union.
2.) Repellant of the Month Club:
There are plenty of things to avoid in Lawrence. The Repellant Of The Month Club sends out some sort of deterrent every month, so you can stay happy. From June to October, it’s usually Oak Mite repellant. Sources say that for the month of December, it’s hippy repellant.
1.) Rock of the Month Club:
It seems that every month there’s some new scandal where a fellow student—or group of students *cough cough four cheerleaders* engage in some activity that results in a racist Snapchat or Tweet. The rock of the month club will provide you with a rock about half the size of your head—they’ll have a great measurement chart online. Every time someone does something stupid, you can just bash yourself over the head with the rock so you don’t have to remember it.
Each box is only $69 for a one-month subscription, $420 for five months, or $666 for a year. It seems pricy, but KU is always finding ways to fuck us in the ass and steal our money, so don’t act so surprised.