It almost seems as if Baby New Year had plans to just shit all over KU’s campus with the amount of things changing this year, and all the things that won’t be. Luckily for you, The Black Sheep has compiled a list of things coming in 2017 so you can be mentally prepared. Gird your loins, Jayhawks.
6.) The Guy Whose New Year’s Resolution Was to Stop Eating Crunchy Chicken Cheddar Wraps, Eating a Crunchy Chicken Cheddar Wrap:
You’ll see him the day classes start, hunched over in the Underground, surrounded by wrappers that contained the most precious thing on campus next to Baby Jay: the Crunchy Chicken Cheddar Wrap.
5.) A New Chancellor Because Apparently Bernie Has Had Enough of Our Shit:
We already lost one Bernie last year, and now we have to let go of another. While it’ll be hard for anyone replace ol’ Bernadette, there are a few people that could take her spot that KU students wouldn’t mind. Imagine sitting in a lecture hall when our new chancellor, Oprah, tells you to look under your seats only to find that she’s paying off your tuition.
4.) Guns on Campus. All the Guns:
We’re still not sure exactly who thought that this would be a good idea, but Concealed Carry will soon be legal on Kansas university campuses. Most of us still blame professors for our bad grades, so why are we being trusted around those same professors with guns??
3.) Another “Record Setting” Freshmen Class Enrollment:
Anyone else notice the freshmen class grows exponentially every year? The only thing these guppies bring to KU is grandiose party talk. Shut up Rachel, we all threw up in the fountain freshman year, this is nothing new.
2.) KU’s Football Team Defending their Losing Streak:
Honestly, it’s like Memorial Stadium was named in memoriam of when our football team used to be decent. The best thing to do during football season when you’re at KU is to just ignore it altogether, and remember that the basketball gods graced us with their presence.
1.) People STILL Wooing After the Rock Chalk Chant:
The Rock Chalk Chant is one of the most haunting and eerie chants in college sports. It sends chills down your spine and intimidates the opposing team. However, that’s not the case when the “woo” is added at the end. You would think Jayhawks would have learned by now that woo makes us sound like a bunch of overexcited freshmen girls entering their first frat party.
May the new year bring a surplus of Crunchy Chicken Cheddar Wraps, and far less “woos” ringing through our ears.