Screw clichés, let’s just cut to the damn chase: the Kansas football team is horrendous this year. Like they were last year, and like they were the year before that.
The only thing worse than the product on the field is the fan support, especially among students, which are essentially non-existent at games. They either leave early to go to the bars or don’t go at all, because they know they’ll want to be hammered by the end of the first quarter.
KU Athletics prohibits the sale or bringing in of alcohol in Memorial Stadium, which is why all the students leave. The athletic department tends to bitch about how the students are no-shows at games, and there’s a simple answer for that. They want to drink. So here’s a simple solution: sell alcohol at the stadium.
Partner up with the most popular student drinking establishments in Lawrence: the Jayhawk Cafe (the Hawk), Bullwinkles (the Bull) and the Wagon Wheel (the Wheel), and let them sell booze. Because when the team magically goes down two touchdowns within the first two minutes, that’s where all the students flee to.
There are far more positives than negatives to selling booze. Both KU Athletics and the bars will make a shit-ton of money. Make the students happy by letting them knock down six double Red Bull vodkas before halftime. This will also heighten the crowd support. There’s nothing more effective than a belligerent student section.
Of course, every once and again there will be an ambulance called on a freshman who doesn’t know how to handle their liquor or a fight between angry frat bros, but that happens anyways.
So do it. Condone the students’ alcoholism, and their apathy towards the football team. They drink because they care. They care about the players and the coaches, and it hurts to see them getting their asses handed to them every fucking Saturday.
The students remember the glory days of Mark Mangino and Todd Reesing. They remember destroying Kansas State every year. They remember the Orange Bowl win. (GTFO Kansas State and Missouri, guess who has more BCS bowl wins.) They drink because they are depressed that the team is so atrocious and people don’t care as much as they used to.
So KU Athletics, reach out to the Hawk, the Bull, the Wheel. Or sell it yourselves. It doesn’t matter how, just let the students drink at the games. They are already going to. At least they would be staying and cheering on the team. And that’s all you really want isn’t it?