10 Things to Tell Your Mom When She Asks Why Your Grades Sucked at UK This Semester

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You’re getting to that point in the semester where you don’t have many opportunities to raise your grades. And you know that above all of the personal shame that comes along with that, the hardest thing is going to be explaining it all to your mom. But you can’t tell her that you’re really just not motivated at all. So we’ve come up with some plausible reasons for why your grades sucked this semester, and we know you’re mom is gonna be okay with all of them.

10.) You Aren’t Over the UNC Loss:
It’s okay, you are amongst friends. We are all still sad about it. It doesn’t get any easier over time, in fact, it only gets worse. If your mom doesn’t understand how bad the loss hurts, then you should just disown her before she has the chance.

9.) You Lost All Your Money at Keeneland:
Your mom might ask, “What does Keeneland have to do with class?” Well, actually a lot. First of all, it takes you out of all your classes on Fridays. Well then what does losing money have to do with class? Tell her you didn’t have any money to get on the bus. We know Lextran lets you on the bus free with your Wildcat ID, but she might not.

8.) There Weren’t Any Snow Days This Year:
If you’re a returning student, you remember having snow days last year and the year before. If you’re a freshman, you probably had more snow days than we did last year. Not having any this year really messed up our rhythm as students.

7.) Willy T. Was Full Every Friday and Saturday Night All Semester:
Everyone knows that all UK students spend the entire weekend inside of Willy T. Nobody speaks, nobody leaves, there is never an open table to sit at, and it’s the same way every weekend. If your mom doesn’t believe you then just have her contact any student at UK, they’ll tell her the same thing.

6.) Your Teachers Have Been Giving Out Fake Grades:
It’s a TRAVESTY that honest students haven’t been given a fair opportunity this semester. We have been given information that Russia has hired teachers who are giving students incorrect grades on purpose. SAD!

5.) Your Class Was on The Third Floor of Whitehall:
This is an obvious reason to not go to class. The only people that should be allowed to have a class on the third floor of Whitehall are student-athletes. Nobody else is in good enough shape to make it up all those steps.

4.) You Had an 8 a.m. MWF Class:
While any college student knows that class on Friday sucks, UK students know even more is how hard an 8 a.m. Friday class is after $10 all-you-can-drink at 2 Keys on Thursdays. If you schedule one of these classes, your mom should honestly know what is coming from the beginning.

3.) The Bus Route Screwed You:
First of all, your mom isn’t going to know what the bus schedule is and what time your classes are. You could tell her that the apartment complex you live in doesn’t even have a Lextran stop. Or you could tell her that the Lextran is always late and your teachers are super strict about tardiness. Either way she won’t be able to disprove you!

2.) Your Drunk Roommate Pissed on Your Computer:
Everybody in college knows about a time when they drank way too much and made some bad decisions. Students here at UK are no exception. If your mom doesn’t believe that a college-aged kid got so drunk that they pissed somewhere they weren’t supposed to, they obviously never went to college. If she still has a problem with it, tell her that you took it to the Media Depot in The Hub at Willy T. and they said it was ruined forever.

1.) POT Caught on Fire and All Your Teachers Had All Your Assignments in Their Office:
Maybe its a little far-fetched, and it might be easy to find out it’s not true, but if your mom is gullible enough, it is such a good excuse. Tell her that you always go to office hours, so your teachers have all of your work in their office at good ol’ POT. With all your assignments in there, if it caught on fire, you’d be down to zeros on too much stuff to catch up. Just say that the Intermezzo Café inside POT finally burned back to the hell hole it came from.