Ooh, Tigerland. Love it or hate it, you’ve found yourself here a time or two (million), followed by your head in a trash bag, surrounded by bodies and a pot of Kraft, once again, completely victimized by this classy broad of a place.
It’s where the out-of-state freshmen quickly realize the type of university they’ve chosen to get their degrees from and where many of us upperclassmen seem to unfortunately find ourselves in at the end of a very adult night that began, very, very far away from it. Either way, here are 7 things you’ve probably done, post-Tigerland calamity:
7.) Go All SVU On Yourself:
From discovering alarming bruises on your body to cringeworthy (*marked opened*) Snapchats that you still don’t recall sending to your ex, it’s all a shitty code that even Olivia effing Benson can’t crack.
6.) Throwing up In the Lockett Bathroom:
There’s just something about the ambiance of this place that makes all of us, hung-over LSU ratchets, sprint from class, face-first into one of Lockett’s tiny, child-sized toilets. Maybe it’s just the fact that all of the worst classes are held in here? Either way, some concerned human has definitely asked if you’re all right and then judged you quite harshly after.
5.) Ye Old ‘Click-In and Deuce’ Move In COX:
Your alarm goes off at 7 a.m. and you feel like taking a toaster bath. Are you going to go to class? Well, sorta…if leaving your car parked in the Chancellor’s reserved spot with your hazard lights on while you run into the COX building and click in and then pretend like you sneezed all over your hand so you’re forced to go to the bathroom but then walk out the doors only to never return counts, then ya.
4.) Make Love To Your Leftover Pluckers:
What’s even sexier than remembering that Holy Mac you went down on last night? Waking up to leftovers from this sorcery of a place where the food is ONLY enjoyable when shwasted. (The real question is: how are there even leftovers?)
3.) Wearing Your Going Out Outfit From Last Night To Class The Next Morning:
There’s just something really special about the way a smeared, smoky eye gleams in the light of the morning on your lovely, leisurely stroll to class. That, and the fact that your clothes still reek of bar smoke and 3 a.m. pizza stains, makes this outfit for class a real prudent choice.
2.) Check Your Bank Account And Panic:
Bank account: lol you fool
1.) Retrieve Your Car From The Fred’s Parking Lot:
After some time, it’s been almost a week, you’ve finally mustered up the energy and decency to go get your abandoned vehicle from the parking lot of Fred’s that you responsibly left over the entire weekend. “Shit, is it towed?” you say from the passenger seat of your friend’s car, and then thank all of the gods and angel Mike for once again, looking after you and your trash bag of a lifestyle.
Whether you’re a 35-year-old student still in a love affair with Fred’s, or a now-classy senior who steers clear of it, you’ve been here, we’ve all been here, and probably will be again soon.
WATCH: For some, spring break is about partying on the beach. For others, it’s about wallowing in despair: