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LEAKED: Nick Saban’s Browser History

 

Once a year, LSU students celebrate a week-long holiday known as “Bama Hate Week.” During this special occasion, students reflect on how much they hate anything to do with Alabama, the color red, our traitorous ex-coach, and the confusing correlation between “Roll Tide” and an elephant mascot. In the spirit of shitting on everything Bama loves, The Black Sheep obtained some of Coach Saban’s juiciest and most revealing Google searches.

 

How to make a Mike’s 190: 

 

 

Coach Saban’s been away from BR for a while, but by God, he just can’t find a daiquiri as sweet and potent as a Mike’s 190. And you can’t beat those prices! Saban’s been trying to recreate the sweet nectar for years, but no one knows the secret ingredient except Mike himself.

 

Does LSU still hate me? 

 

 

“Guys, come on! It’s been 13 years, can’t we just be civil? I swear it was nothing personal. I mean, okay maybe it was a little bit. Please! You guys have Coach O now, I mean, what a guy. I just want us to be cool!” -how Coach Saban would most likely defend this search

 

Translator for Coach O:

 

 

Coach Saban isn’t even from a swamp, and frankly, has no interest in conditioning his ear to the sweeter sounds of the south. Tuscaloosa is so far north he might as well be a filthy Yank. Even if we can’t understand Coach O during a press conference, we are guaranteed to applaud the fuck out of it. Know the sign language for “fuck you,” Saban?

 

 

Frinks Near Me: 

 

 

Baton Rouge is one of the few college towns with generous nightly drink specials at almost every bar. Even Coach Saban can’t get past the $45 cover at Rounders on a game day in Tuscaloosa. In his four years here, which is shorter than most LSU students’ undergrad, he just couldn’t get enough of Reggie’s open bar and Bogie’s $2 bottles of wine. Imma let you finish, Coach Saban, but Tigerland has the best drink specials of all time.

 

Why did @dhasickestt block me on insta:

 

 

Ole boy doesn’t know how to flex on insta like that of our infamous running back, Derrius Guice. Clown ass Saban really tried to follow our Lord and Savior on his finsta (@Nick_got_tricks)? Hell fuckin’ no, boo. Get your insta game in check before you try playing games with us, sweetie!

 

We’re watching you, Saban. Happy Bama Hate Week. Geaux Tigers.

 

 

 

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