After sitting through the first and only day of their Women and Gender Studies class last week, a group of LSU freshmen have come forward, accusing Insomnia Cookies of “syndrome insensitivity,” claiming the late-night, campus cookie shop really needs to rethink the first half of their commodifying title, which name derives from the preexisting sleep disorder, Insomnia.
“We’re not one of your late-night snacks,” says freshman Toby Glitz through a mouthful of Snickerdoodle. “As an individual who suffers from this burdening disease, which has also led to my Netflix Binge Disorder, Insomnia Cookies really needs to think of a more ‘student sensitive’ title for the small percentage of us college kids who suffer from insomnia. We brainstormed and came up with some hip, alternative names like ‘Strung Out Cookies’ or ‘Woke Cookies’ just to name a few. I mean, the mindful possibilities are endless.”
The group of students claim they all discovered the offensive nature of the cookie shop’s name at the same time during their professor’s syllabus presentation, and upon group collision, vow to make this name change happen.
“At one point, the professor asked us to say in what way we are marginalized here at LSU,” explains Toby, reflecting on his first day of his Women and Gender Studies class. “This pivotal moment led to a group of us, Insomniacs, discussing issues like, you know, not sleeping ever or not being respected nor seen… like ever. You [Insomnia Cookies] literally belittled our medical condition when you decided to name your restaurant after people who drool and play the f*cking Sims 24/7 while the rest of the world peacefully rests.”
Candice Coots, long time sufferer of Insomnia and one of the other many WGS students taking action on this matter, claims the group’s discovery of Insomnia Cookies’ offensive name occurred when they came up with ways to better spread awareness throughout campus, all of which agreed that by starters, Insomnia Cookies’ name has got to go.
“Cookies don’t have sleeping disorders. We do,” says Candice, as she waits in line for her deluxe bigwich. “Insomnia is not in any way, a treat. You try sleeping for 30 minutes a night followed by late night delivery heart burn, then come and find me. It’s 2018, it’s about time LSU wakes up too.”
Insomnia Cookies, known for delivering late night snacks to pickled students, has no plans of changing their name, claiming their cookies are: “So good, they have a mind of their own.”