LSU to Hire Fleet of Crossing Guards to Regulate Lockett Basement Traffic

author-pic at Louisiana State University  

Every semester things change—from the amount of times you pass out on the parade grounds to the amount of people you fist fight for that last parking spot. However, one thing always remains the same—Lockett Basement traffic.

Last semester, almost 30 students were injured or killed in the hustle and bustle of class switching in Lockett. Finally, after many fatalities, President Alexander has vowed to hire 600-700 crossing guards to help regulate traffic flow and lessen accidents.

When asked to comment on the hiring of crossing guards, Senior Alex Shelly had to say, “This is my fourth year at LSU. Statistically, I should have lost three or four friends to Lockett basement traffic accidents by now. I’ve been lucky enough to have only lost two, If you don’t count my dog”.

Students aren’t the only ones who have something to say about this new progress; future crossing guard Helene Moore commented, “I’ve been out of a job for a while now, so I only accepted this one out of desperation. I understand that there is a chance I may die on the line of duty but that’s a risk I really have no choice but to take”.

Both LSU students and faculty are hopeful that President Alexander’s new hires help to make our school a safer place.